


Your Mother

by RosaKei



Category: Shingeki no Kyojin | Attack on Titan, attack on
Genre: AruAni, Eremika - Freeform, Single Father, Single Parent Eren, Single Parent Eren Yeager, Tags May Change, levihan - Freeform, single parent
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-08-09
Updated: 2018-11-14
Packaged: 2019-06-24 07:41:58
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 10
Words: 29,662
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/15625992
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/RosaKei/pseuds/RosaKei
Summary: After Mikasa Ackerman's death, Eren Jaeger is left to raise their only child.





	1. Your Mother's Wish

_**Disclaimer : I do not own Shingeki No Kyojin / Attack On Titan nor its characters.** _

* * *

Eren hadn't known the day of his first child, of his first daughter's birth, would be the _happiest yet saddest_ day of his entire life.

Eren Jaeger and Mikasa Ackerman had been together since _… forever_. They've been together since childhood, they had grown up together. They had their misunderstandings, arguments and finally in the end, they had their reconciliation. Eventually, through the dreaded years of high school, the two found love for one another. Long story short, they got married once the time was right.

Eren often wondered when it was when Mikasa started to have a liking towards the brunette. After having found out from a certain blonde that she had been in love him, even before he developed such feelings for the raven, it made him curious. Though, whenever he'd ask Mikasa about it, the raven would only let out a soft chuckle while fiddling with the red scarf he had given her long ago, during dark times.

 _"Who knows?"_ She would always respond, with the same lovely smile as always. And of course, even though it left the brunette unsatisfied since he didn't exactly get his answer, he knew it didn't matter when it was. What mattered was that now, they were together forever. _Or so he had thought._

The brunette remembered the day he finally recognize the feelings he had for Mikasa. Growing up, even though they were childhood friends, he often found her annoying for being so protective, so motherly towards him, to be honest, he resented it. It was only later did he realize her reasons for such which made him a little more tolerant towards her protective actions.

Although soon enough, after the resolved arguments and misunderstandings between the two, it had made the two develop as people in their own ways. Eren wasn't that reckless too often anymore and wasn't as impulsive as often. Mikasa's protective nature towards the brunette soon calmed, in a sense of which she wouldn't really pester him about the littlest of things, but let him grow and be independent. And once they matured in their own ways, it was only then did the brunette recognize the other aspects of Mikasa, the positive ones.

Mikasa Ackerman was _beautiful_ , Eren thought. He didn't mean just the outer appearance, but on the inside as well. There were barely any words to describe it, really. But having grown up with her, despite often seeing the stoic expression she often wore, he knew deep inside of her, there was just so much more to it, _to her_. It was only later during their high school years did Eren confessed to her, and he remembered ever so clearly the expression Mikasa had when he did. She seemed rather shocked the brunette had develop feelings for her, of course she didn't mean it in a bad way. It was more of…it seemed rather, _unbelievable_.

After all, she had loved him as long as time could remember. It was just that he was too dense to have noticed. All in all, she accepted his confession in a heartbeat, and that was when their journey as a couple started.

 _Ah, the memories._ The brunette could go on and on thinking about them, but it was painful that now he could _only_ see the raven beauty there, his memories. It was the cold truth of harsh reality.

A few months after their marriage, Eren had gotten his wife, Mikasa, pregnant. And of course, the two soon-to-be parents were overjoyed. Except, during the last few weeks of Mikasa's pregnancy, he seemed to notice something… _different_ about her. When he had asked her if everything was alright, she only responded with a nod, followed by an obviously pained smile, _"I'm okay."_ She would always say whenever he would ask her then. He worried that she was having second thoughts, but that wasn't the case—he would know, even without asking her. After all, between the two of them it was obvious enough that the raven had always wanted to start a family with him. Though, another fear rose when he knew that, that wasn't the case of her sudden behaviour. A fear in which that caused the pessimistic side of him to worry so much internally, which was: What if Mikasa or the baby doesn't make it?

Shaking his head he pushed those thoughts aside and shoved them under a rug. He didn't wish to think about it, or ask about such, not wanting to cause any unnecessary worry for his wife.

* * *

When Mikasa's water broke, she was immediately rushed to the hospital to give birth to their child. While waiting for her to birth their child, along with Eren, Armin had tagged along as a well, someone to calm Eren down who was growing both impatient and worried by the minute as he heard some screams coming from her room. Soon after, more of their friends had come and waited patiently for the results.

After a while, the screams had come to a halt. Eren had assumed he'd have felt relief once it did, but now he was concerned as to why they stopped so suddenly. The doctor then came out of the room that the raven was in, and just as he was about to call Eren's name, the brunette had already rushed into the room, to see his child, his daughter in her mother's arms.

He was in awe of the sight he saw, he didn't know what to do, what to say. He just stared at them, it was just too good to be true.

"What are you waiting for? Come and meet your daughter." Mikasa spoke in a weak way, she was exhausted.

Giving an immediate nod, Eren rushed over to Mikasa's side, slowly but carefully, he carried the little girl in his arms. To his shock she wasn't crying, or wailing, and when she was in her father's arms, she seemed to be at peace, she looked happy. It was clear when Eren noticed her lips curving into a small smile.

"What do you think?" Mikasa asked.

Eren's eyes only softened. "She's … beautiful. _Like you._ " The brunette spoke, as he noticed tears forming in his eyes, tears of joy.

"Eren…" Mikasa called out to him, this time in a weaker tone, which the brunette noticed almost immediately, causing his concerns to rise.

"What is I—"Before he could complete his sentence, he noticed Mikasa wincing slightly in pain, and before Eren could go call for help, Mikasa had called out for his name again.

Just calling out his name, it was enough force to cause the brunette to halt in his steps.

"Hey... Eren… I'm sorry for not telling you _this_ sooner… I knew… _this_ would happen. I saw it in a dream… and I had a gut feeling tha—"

Even without hearing what she had plan to say, without even knowing what she meant by ' _this_ ', Eren already knew what was happening. Just by the look of pain and sorrow in her eyes, it was enough for anyone to guess what twisted fate and _end_ had laid for the unfortunate raven. Or at least, enough for him to guess what was happening. Mikasa's recent odd behaviour, and her skin that was now paling was what told the brunette otherwise. Moreover, it was fear that led him to believe on about what was soon to happen. He had never, or at least tried to not think about the worst of what might happen if things went wrong during the birth of their child. And right now, a part of him was in denial of what was to obviously happen.

"W-What are you saying? Stop j-joking aroun—" Eren stuttered out, quickly cutting off her words.

But, it was the pained smile that she suddenly wore, that had cut off the brunette's words, leaving him speechless. Regardless of that, he still remained in _denial_ on what he had assumed was going to happen.

" _Eren…and my lovely daughter…_ " Mikasa spoke softly, followed by a weak chuckle. "I love you two…"

"M-Mikasa! Stop p-playing a—"

Eren's sudden desperate shouts seemed to have caused a certain little one to cry. Although, it wasn't just Eren's desperate shouts that caused their daughter to cry, even she knew that her mother's time was soon to be up. After all, the atmosphere that was once so lively, so full of joy at the birth of a new addition to the family, soon dulled grimly.

"I'm… s-sorry…. Eren…take care of her… okay?" The raven managed to speak as her tone grew weak, and weaker after each word, until no more words came out of her lips. Her eyes were now closed shut, and her breathing had stopped.

And when her breathing stopped, Eren's world stopped as well.

' _I could've saved her…'_ Eren thought to himself. He had noticed the change and difference in Mikasa's attitude during the few weeks before her water broke. Maybe if he had recognized it sooner, Mikasa wouldn't be in this position. Maybe she could've lived. Or maybe not. For the past few visits with the doctor before her due date, they had said the baby and the mother were doing fine. The doctor's reassurance, however, only reassured Eren more or less.

Thinking back, Mikasa didn't seem that reassured despite the doctor's words. She had the expression of pain and sorrow. Eren didn't really ask her about it too much, having assumed it was just the nervousness. After all, she was the one who would be delivering the child, not him.

He was left with a question to ponder on now, _'Why didn't Mikasa tell me about it…?'_

_Was she trying to shoulder all the burden? Was she trying to protect Eren from something… again? Was she just afraid of the response?_

Eren didn't know, all he knew was that Mikasa would almost tell him anything and everything important.

' _So why… So why didn't you tell me about this?'_

At these thoughts, Eren's heart broke even more.

Now, it wasn't just their daughter's sobs echoing the room, but Eren's as well, as he held their daughter ever so closely to his chest, forcing his tears to halt… yet to no avail.

"Damnit… Damnit…!" He cursed in a soft yet fierce tone.

He was just so mad, so blindingly mad that this cruel, _cruel_ world had ruthlessly taken away someone he loved so damn much, someone who didn't deserve this twisted fate.

* * *

"So, what are you going to do now?" Armin had asked, at which the brunette remained silent.

A few days after Mikasa's unfortunate death, a funeral was held for her. When it was all over, everyone dispersed back home, majority of which in tears. They didn't want to stay there much longer, they didn't want to accept it.

Eren recalled certain whispers he heard from some during the funeral ceremony.

" _Poor guy, raising a child alone."_

" _And a daughter to say the least, she needs a motherly figure."_

" _I hope she turns out well at least, I wonder if he can even raise a child… I mean he's Eren."_

Alas, the comments made by those people that he hadn't even seen since high school was like a stab to the remains of his wounded heart. They were all right, how was he going to raise her?

"Eren?" Armin called out again, which brought the brunette's mind back to reality. "What are you going to do now?" The blonde repeated.

Eren glanced up to the blonde quietly, his oceanic orbs didn't seem so bright that night. In the matter of fact, they looked dull. He had been their childhood friend as well, he had a bond between Mikasa and him as well, a bond that the brunette couldn't possibly interfere, and the same went with him. The two had a bond that no one could really interfere.

"I… don't know. Maybe I'll… ask Hanji and Levi to take care of her since they're babysitting her tonight, maybe they wouldn't mind permanently looking after her. Unless you and Annie can, but then you already have twins and that'd be—"

"Back in the hospital…" Armin had cut the brunette off, "You told me Mikasa's last words, didn't you? Do you remember?"

' _I'm… s-sorry, Eren…take care of her… okay?'_

At remembering those words, the brunette bit his lips, struggling to hold back his tears. Even though he hadn't exactly promised her that he would do so, he already knew that it wasn't really a choice.

Eren also didn't really hold any blame or resent towards Mikasa, who left him so suddenly, even though she could've told him sooner. She probably was in denial of that fact that she was going to die as well. Who wouldn't? It was so sudden, she was so strong, and her health was always in perfect condition. To say the least, her intuition of her death day came from a dream, or so to say, a nightmare, was probably unbelievable. All in all, he still didn't know why, _why_ she didn't tell him anything. And he was in conflict if he even wanted to know the answer.

"What can I do, Armin?" Eren sighed. "I… _she's gone._ And _she_ needs a motherly figure—"

"You're only saying that because of the comments made during the funeral, aren't you? Eren, those were comments made by people who barely knew you ever since high school. They don't even know the _'you'_ in the present. You've changed and developed so much, Eren. Even without a mother, if she's under _your_ wing, she'll grow up fi—"

"You _don't_ understand, Armin! You don't know what it's like losing someone you love so much. I… I _can't_ raise a child all by myself! For fuck's sake, _I'm Eren_!" Eren yelled slightly, as his fist clenched before looking back down on the ground. After cooling down for a bit, he continued, in a sudden weak tone, "I _can't_ raise her alone… I _can't_ do this alone… She _needs_ Mikasa… She _needs_ a mothe—"

"You're wrong, Eren." Armin finally spoke, as he placed a hand on his shoulder in comfort. "She just needs someone to be there for her. And that was what Mikasa entrusted you, and _only_ you to do. _Nobody else_."


	2. Sachiko, Our Daughter

** Disclaimer : I do not own Shingeki No Kyojin / Attack On Titan nor its characters. **

* * *

_"You_ _don't_ _understand, Armin! You don't know what it's like losing someone you love so much. I… I_ _can't_ _raise a child all by myself! For fuck's sake_ , _I'm Eren_ _!" Eren yelled slightly, as his fist clenched before looking back down on the ground. After cooling down for a bit, he continued, in a sudden weak tone, "I_ _can't_ _raise her alone… I_ _can't_ _do this alone… She_ _needs_ _Mikasa… She_ _needs_ _a mothe—"_

 _"You're wrong, Eren." Armin finally spoke, as he placed a hand on his shoulder in comfort. "She just needs someone to be there for her. And that was what Mikasa entrusted you, and_ _only_ _you to do_. _Nobody else_ _."_

* * *

After giving Mikasa a final farewell, the blonde offered the brunette a ride to Levi's and Hanji's place, to pick up his child, which Eren accepted gratefully.

Upon arriving at Levi's and Hanji's house, Armin had told Eren that he would wait at the driveway for him, seeming reluctant to go in with him. And without questioning why, Eren gave a small nod before exiting the house, dragging his feet towards the other Ackerman's house. Even without an explanation from the blonde as to why he didn't wish to follow, Eren had already guessed it. Levi and Hanji, especially Levi, probably had some form of lecture or words that they wish to say to him, and only him. Given the fact that Levi was Mikasa's relative, her cousin, and her only living family member currently excluding their daughter, he was sure that the stoic male had many things to say to him.

Regardless of whatever he had to say, he was sure that that the other Ackerman couldn't possibly understand his current situation. Despite the loss of a common loved one, Eren assumed he had it much worse, which wasn't that wrong in his opinion. After all, Levi's wife, Hanji, and their kid were doing fine, they are healthy and they are _alive_. Unlike Levi, Eren had _just_ lost his wife, and although he didn't lose his child in the process, he was sure bits and pieces of him were scattered, getting lost every moment.

Letting out a small sigh, he rang the doorbell. Without having to wait for another second, the door was opened by Hanji, Eren giving a small nod in thanks before welcoming himself in whilst the pony-tailed brunette closed the door. "Where is she?" Eren asked quietly, seeming a little concern that he didn't see his daughter in the current room they were in. And that concern grew and grew, until Levi came in the room, saying, "She's upstairs sleeping in our brat's room. Good thing we kept that cradle." He scoffed, which Hanji gave a light chuckle at.

The atmosphere soon dimmed, silence filled the room. "I'll… get her and lea—"

"There's no need to rush, and I want to have a talk with you." Levi had cut in, and as if on cue, Hanji gave a small nod. She knew this wasn't a conversation for her to be in, as for now. Giving Eren a light pat on the back, followed by a comforting smile, she went upstairs.

Eren eyed the other brunette as she walked upstairs, he wished that could've been him, to just head upstairs to grab his daughter so he can leave and escape this chilling atmosphere. He wanted to go home, he was exhausted from everything. Though, he appreciated the gesture Hanji did, an attempt to comfort and cheer him. Though at this point of time, Eren wasn't sure if he felt that, or anything.

"What do you want to talk about?" Eren grumbled. He already knew what it was, he just wanted to delay it. He was just tired, tired of everything. He didn't want to be reminded of his misery. Then again, it was hard to avoid such an obvious fact, that _Mikasa Ackerman is dead._

"You already know." Levi spoke, leaning against the wall. "I'm just going to get straight to the point. Do you think you can raise her properly?" Levi questioned in a serious manner, his arms crossed as he stared directly at the brunette. He wanted an honest answer. Though, the only answer he had gotten from the brunette was silence. Normally, Levi would've spoke in a sterner way to get an answer out, but even he knew Eren wasn't in the appropriate mental state, to tolerate any harsh remarks or whatsoever. But if needed, he would still remind him of the harsh truth of reality.

"She needs someone, you know?" Levi sighed, his eyes tracing elsewhere. "Someone who is capable, someone who is strong. If you can't provide that then—"

"It's just… It's just..." Eren stuttered out suddenly, Levi then raised a brow, awaiting for him to complete his statement, and when he did, Levi could only make a pitiful and pained expression as he heard the brunette say, "She's got _my eyes_ … _Mikasa's raven black hair_ … _but_ when she cried… when she cried when she was first brought into this world… she looked _exactly_ like Mikasa."

Biting his lip, Eren continued. "I… don't know how to explain it properly… It's just when she cries, she looks like Mikasa, in a pained way. And I can't help but think it's _my_ fault, for _everything_. _For everything that happened, it's my fault_."

The brunette said it in such a pained way, that even the shorter male could've felt his pain. His voice, his tone, it showed all the sorrow, all the pain the brunette was going through. Eren remembered after Mikasa's sudden passing back in the hospital, when he took a glance at his wailing daughter, whose eyes were then wide open, he noticed that they were like emeralds, like his. Except now, hers looked _livelier_ and _less dull_ unlike Eren's. But despite that, the pain reflected in her emerald orbs reminded him of Mikasa's obsidian orbs, when she was hurt. It reminded him of the pained look Mikasa would give him whenever he said something harsh or stupid to her back in the day. He despised that look she gave him, only because he hated the fact that he was the one who caused it, and that just seeing Mikasa or any loved one in pain in general, pained him in a different unexplainable way.

Why was this bothering the brunette? Well, Eren was… _fearful._ Many questions flew into his head, on the struggles about being a single parent. But only a few caused him the most fear. What if he makes his only child cry? What if he was unable to make _her_ happy?

He feared that he would hurt the only thing left of Mikasa, he feared that his heart would just shatter, over and over again if that look his daughter made would be more frequent. He feared that he didn't have the confidence or courage to raise her.

 _He feared the worst._ Most of all, he feared losing her, whether it be physically or emotionally. In his head, he thought maybe leaving her in Levi's and Hanji's care wasn't so bad. Even if that decision to leave her in another person's arms may result in him losing connections with his daughter, at least he wouldn't experience the pain of losing her emotionally when no connections were established. Though, deep down, Eren knew that wasn't true, that if he did that, he'd just lose his daughter emotionally completely, and in no doubt he would be left feeling worse. Though, despite that option of leaving her in Levi's and Hanji's care was more or less open, something was telling him no to.

 _"She just needs someone to be there for her. And that was what Mikasa entrusted you, and_ _only_ _you to do._ _Nobody else_."

Eren remembered Armin's words so clear, and those words only echoed in his head.

 _Why had Mikasa entrusted him..?_ Why? _Was he really capable of doing this alone?_

"Oi Eren." Levi called out two or three times, bringing the brunette back to the present. "So, tell me. Do you think you can raise her properly?" Levi questioned again, before continuing, "You know, Mikasa's precious to me too. She's family. And right now, the only thing I can do for her is to ensure that her daughter is in the right hands. If you have no faith or trust in yourself that you'll raise her right then… I believe it's better to leave her with me."

"I… _I_...—" And just before Eren could've completed his sentence, Hanji had interrupted their conversation.

"I hope I'm not interrupting something important but your daughter seems to be needing her father right now." Hanji spoke softly, and in her arms she carried _her_ , Eren's daughter.

Without even having to ask, Eren quickly took her into his arms protectively, like how a father would. He seemed rather relieved to see that she was okay. And at first, he didn't know what Hanji meant, but the transition of her being in Hanji's then Eren's arms said a lot. In Hanji's arms, she looked… _uncomfortable?_ Which was odd since Hanji seemed rather gentle with her. But in Eren's arms, _in her father's arms_ , the uncomfortable expression of hers was quick to switch with a small smile, her head subconsciously shifting closer to Eren's chest.

Eren watched her quietly, he had nothing to say. He just watched her in awe.

And just before Levi could ask the brunette again about who the child should be raised with, Eren spoke in a calm manner, "I'll raise her, I'll do it. I'm her father."

Levi was about to question him again, and clarify things as well. But the look of decisiveness mixed with a determined look he had seen countless of times, that he had on right now, was enough of an explanation.

"Take good care of her… okay?" Levi asked, though it sounded more of an order despite the sudden gentleness in his tone whilst saying those words.

"Of course… and Levi, take care of yourself too." Although it was not mentioned nor brought up earlier in the conversation, it was clear that Levi was experiencing sorrow as well, due to Mikasa's death. It was clear in his eyes. And given the fact that Levi doesn't display his emotions too often, he knew he probably wouldn't have admitted it. "You too, Hanji… and of course, I wish your kid the best too."

"Tch, yeah… and remember this, Eren. _This_ wasn't your fault, not in the slightest. And I sincerely hope you can live well and peacefully, even if _she's no longer here_." Levi added, in which Eren gave a hesitant nod at. Just as he was about to leave, Levi stopped him again.

"Oi brat, one last thing. You haven't told us her name." Levi spoke, followed by a scoff. He had been trying to refrain himself from calling him a brat throughout the conversation, though now that the atmosphere seemed less tensed, he thought, why not? For old times' sake.

At hearing that statement, Eren halted in his steps, as a vivid memory flashed in his head.

* * *

"Hey Mikasa… we should give the baby a Japanese name." Eren spoke softly, whilst caressing her belly in a gentle way. She was around one or two months close to her due date, if he remembered correctly.

"Hm? Why is that? I was actually thinking of a g—"

"I don't know… but I just want it to be one." Eren spoke softly, and with little persistence needed, Mikasa complied. After all, the look of love in the brunette's eyes was enough to sway her. "Do you have any suggestions…?" Eren asked softly.

"Well, if the baby is a boy, maybe… Kouki? And if the baby is girl then… Sachiko?" Mikasa suggested, and before she could give an explanation the brunette, with curious eyes, asked, "Why is that?"

"Because, if I'm not wrong, both of those names' meaning are along the lines of 'happiness', and I really, _really_ and sincerely wish for the happiness of _our_ baby, _our_ child."

* * *

" _Sachiko."_ Eren said simply, turning towards them for a moment. _"Sachiko Jaeger, is her name."_

With that, the brunette left their house, and back into Armin's car which soon exited their driveway.

"Do you think he'll be fine?" Hanji had asked, which Levi sighed softly at before responding, "After seeing some of his determination alive again, I'm sure he will."

* * *

While the blonde was driving, he didn't really question much about what happened. Although he seemed rather relieved seeing that Sachiko was in Eren's arms. Plus, Eren did give a quick summary, which wasn't that detailed, to the blonde, having assumed he was curious.

"So her name is Sachiko?" The blonde asked as Eren nodded. "If written in a way, it means… 'Happiness', am I wrong?" Armin continued, Eren responding with a, "Mikasa wished for our child to have a happy life, and so do I." Eren sighed lightly which the blonde nodded at.

Soon enough, they reached the brunette's house.

"Hey… you know, if you need help, I'm just a few blocks away." Armin spoke, offering his help.

"Thanks… but I think I can do it."

"Even changing diapers?" Armin joked lightly which the brunette rolled his eyes slightly. The blonde glanced over at Sachiko. "She really looks happy in your arms…" Armin spoke softly. And before Eren could respond. The blonde took out a box, which he opened to reveal a red scarf, _Mikasa's red scarf._

"The doctor handed this to me, since he didn't want to interrupt you when… yeah." Armin sighed softly before taking out the scarf as he managed to wrap it around the brunette's neck since Eren's arms were busy ensuring Sachiko wouldn't get hurt. "Thanks." Eren spoke quietly.

_Oh, how he wished he could wrap this precious red scarf around Mikasa once more._

"Thanks for everything, Armin." Eren spoke before he exited the car, only after Armin gave him a mini lecture on parenting, followed by a small lecture on that he should take care of his and Sachiko's health before a few more reminders that he could call him for help. And with that, the blonde drove off.

Entering his house felt different. After all, _someone_ was missing… _someone important_.

Sighing quietly, he went upstairs, into his room where Sachiko's cradle was alongside his bed, Mikasa had wanted it there just in case of things. Gently, Eren placed her into the cradle before laying on the bed.

It felt different too, everything did. He missed Mikasa, He missed her presence. She wasn't there anymore, and she will never come back.

When that realization came in, Eren was about to drown into his sorrow, until his eyes laid on Sachiko.

'Not all of _her_ is gone', he thought.

'There were still _things_ worth fighting for', he thought.

There was still something, _someone_ worth living for.

' _I really hope… everything will turn out alright'_ the brunette thought silently as he managed to drift off to only he knew what struggles laid ahead, it would probably lead to him staying up till who know when.

Because deep down, despite his somewhat of a denial state of that particular subject, Eren knew that one day he would have to— he would be _obligated_ to answer a question.

" _Papa, why don't I have a Mama…?"_

**Notes for the Chapter:**

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	3. The Realization Of Growing Up

**Disclaimer: I do not own Shingeki No Kyojin / Attack On Titan nor its characters**

* * *

Raising Sachiko, despite it being alone, wasn't actually as bad as Eren had assumed it would've been. In fact, he was thankful he made the choice to raise her. He wouldn't know what he would be doing right now if the joy and happiness of his current life had never entered his life— _that was Sachiko_.

Six years raising her, Six years he had been with her. Those were six years that he would _never_ trade for anything. And now, he was just lying in bed, smiling like an idiot as he reminisced on past events.

* * *

Honestly, during the years of raising Sachiko, Eren had to thank Armin especially. If he hadn't offered a helping hand, Eren would've definitely struggled more with the basics of parenting a new-born. Annie was to be thanked as well, considering on the occasions that she would tag along, she would easily manage to comfort and soothe Sachiko whenever she would cry non-stop, it often left both the blonde's and brunette's jaw opened and dropped.

After all, Annie had made calming a wailing kid look so easy, and then there was the other blonde and the brunette, who sometimes struggled on making her crying stop. _There were just some things a mother would know better than any father._ At first, Eren felt discouraged on the fact he couldn't even make his own daughter happy, or make her daughter's crying come to a halt. Though, Annie and Armin reassured him it was nothing to worry about, considering Eren hadn't had any experience with kids before, it was just normal for him to struggle this much.

"Don't worry so much, it's just a process." Armin had sighed, which Annie gave a nod too. "Even we still struggle sometimes." Annie had added before she glanced over at Sachiko who was in her cradle, taking a nap. "She will grow up strong, she has that _beast's_ blood after all." Annie scoffed slightly which Armin gave her a nudge in response, a warning to not say anything offensive.

Annie and Mikasa had some sort of rivalry that grew from middle school to high school, though even despite having graduated from there, it had continued, until the tragedy happened, that is.

Eren had noticed Armin's nudge, though he proceeded to reassure Armin that he didn't find it hurtful or anything. "I wouldn't call her a _beast_ , or monster… just someone _strong_." Eren had sighed quietly, before his eyes rested on Sachiko who slept ever so peacefully. "But like you said, I'm sure she'll grow up strong like her mother… and inherit her other qualities like her kindness, her—"

" _We get it, Eren."_ Annie had interrupted, followed by a sigh which escaped her lips. She knew if Eren had went on any further, he would probably become well, emotional again. It had only been a few months since Mikasa's passing, and as it was obvious to everyone, Eren hadn't fully recovered from it yet. Even though his eyes seemed more lively nowadays thanks to Sachiko and others, if one looked closer, _looked deeper_ , they'd have noticed that there was just something in his emerald orbs that strongly hinted his sorrow. "I'll admit it, Mikasa does have her good qualities." Annie spoke genuinely, which both Armin and Eren reacted with a brief surprised expression. It was rare for the crystal-eyed blonde to ever compliment Mikasa, it was more of a once in a blue moon thing. Then again, both of them knew Annie wasn't _that_ cold.

Smiling a little, Eren gave a nod. _"Thank you, you guys."_

Annie and Armin remained quiet for a moment. Eren _smiled_. Eren _smiled genuinely._ Ever since Mikasa's death, it was rare to see such a sight. The two blondes smiled back in response, relieved to see that there was at least some sort of sign of recovery from Eren. "No problem, we should go." Armin spoke as Annie nodded in agreement, both parents wishing to quickly go home to see to their own kids who were currently being taken care of by Sasha and Connie, goodness, they hoped that their house won't be a mess like last time.

"And it looks like she's waking up from her nap." Annie spoke, as she heard soft squeaks coming out from a certain little one's lips. "And it seems someone made a mess." Annie spoke, before pinching her nose, having smelt the 'mess' Sachiko had made.

Armin laughed lightly, "I hope you know how to change her diapers properly now." Armin joked, remembering that it took quite some effort for the brunette to remember the steps of diaper changing. Eren only scoffed slightly at his joke in response. "See you soon." Armin spoke, both blondes then giving Eren a wave, which he returned, before they left.

Sighing, Eren looked over to Sachiko, "Can't you poop a little less smelly?" He groaned, though it was followed with a chuckle as he noticed Sachiko smiling at the sight of her father. "Mm… I can never stay mad or annoyed at you…" Eren murmured.

* * *

Now, six years after that, there was no need of changing her diapers of course—something that Eren had looked forward to when she started to grow up and out of it. Although a part of him wished her growing up would be a little slower. That was because, every parent knew that once their little kid grew up, they would soon lead a life of their own that didn't necessary needed them by his or her side.

Before the brunette could go deeper in thought, a certain lovely voice rang through, and brought him back to reality.

" _Papa!"_ Sachiko exclaimed with joy, the six year old running into his room. "We're going to be late for school!"

Eren looked over, before sitting up. "Ah… sorry." Eren chuckled a little softly as he scratched the back of his head. And without hesitance, Sachiko grabbed his hand and the little girl attempted to drag him out. "C'mon! My hair isn't even tied yet!" she whined. Chuckling softly again, Eren stood up and went along with her act, letting her pull him into the living room. Though he had to admit, her strength was definitely much stronger than an average six year old, something that constantly reminded him of Mikasa. But for now, his mind was elsewhere, focusing on the little one who then let go of Eren's hand, sitting on a stool as she waited for him to help tie her hair.

"Alright, alright!" Eren laughed a little before he went to grab a rubber band, followed by a brush as he started to brush Sachiko's hair, and then tying it into a simple pony tail. "Thank you!" Sachiko smiled as she turned and hugged Eren ever-so tightly. That hug of hers never ceased to make Eren's heart melt. "You're welcome…" Eren spoke softly as he gave her a hug back, before pulling away reluctantly. "Let's get you to school now." Eren smiled, grabbing her hand gently as he helped her carry her bag, as they walked out together, towards the driveway where his car parked.

* * *

While driving to school, Sachiko was just bouncing excitedly in her seat. Eren couldn't help but find it rather cute, and was relieved that her days at school didn't seem too bad, and she had seemed to fit in. "How's school?" Eren asked softly, his eyes glancing at the bouncy little girl before focusing back on the road. "It's super fun! The teacher said we're going to draw something special today during class!"

Listening to her cheerful tone, Eren couldn't help but let out another small smile, "Can I see it when you're done with it?" Eren queried, which Sachiko gave a nod at. "Of course!" She had exclaimed.

Sachiko was indeed a bubbly kid, he often wondered where she got that personality from. She barely cried growing up, and was rather a positive kid, and Eren didn't really have any disagreements or arguments with her. If he did, it wasn't really anything big. Thinking about it now, her smile was also so similar to Mikasa's. Almost everything about her was so similar to Mikasa. He couldn't decide if it was a _curse_ or a _blessing_ sometimes.

Sure, he loved Sachiko with all his heart, but given the fact he hadn't exactly recovered from Mikasa's death, there were periods where he'd look at Sachiko and feel a little ache in his heart, especially when she would make an expression that clearly showed she was troubled, and had attempted to hide it yet to no avail. _"You don't have to bottle up your emotions, Sachiko... you don't have to hide them from me either..."_ Eren had told her on several occasions. Even if it pained him to see his daughter in tears, he rather have that than have her bottling up her emotions. He often wondered if she hid her emotions because she _knew_.

 _Was that why she barely cried?_ At that thought, Eren gripped the steering wheel a little tighter, biting his lip slightly. _Had she noticed his true sorrow?_ Glancing at the bubbly girl again, he shook his head. He was sure she didn't, after all she was just an innocent kid who probably wasn't _that_ sharp to notice… _right?_

But of course, Eren held absolute _no_ blame towards Sachiko for Mikasa's death. It wasn't her fault, not one bit. However, till today, Eren still felt that Mikasa's death was still somewhat of his fault, despite what everyone had said.

Shaking off his negative thoughts again, he glanced over Sachiko, who was still bouncing away in her seat happily. He felt a slight ache in his heart, but as usual, he shoved those pained emotions away. For the past six years, he had been shoving any sort of pained emotion under the rug or just bottled it up. He never wanted Sachiko to have a taste of his sorrow nor witness it. Though, he knew that one day she had to know the truth, another factor which Eren wasn't really looking forward to as she grew up.

Sachiko never really questioned about the absence of her mother, she had been more or less contented with her life. Though, Eren noticed sometimes she'd glance at families at the nearby park he would often bring her to. Families of which that had both a mother and father. However, Sachiko didn't question anything about it. But even if she didn't, for one reason or another Eren knew she was curious on why she _only_ had a father. Why didn't Sachiko want to ask Eren about it? That was something the brunette didn't know. _Maybe it was a child's intuition not to?_

Regardless, Sachiko didn't really ask any questions relating to that matter, resulting in Eren's silence on it. If the brunette could, he would probably burn the truth away—but even he knew, the truth would probably come back and bite him if he had done that.

' _I'll tell her when she's mature and old enough…'_ Eren thought quietly as he pulled over at the driveway. Though Eren had to admit, Sachiko was rather mature for her age though. Unlike most kids, she wouldn't really whine or cry when she couldn't get what she wanted. Normally, she would just give a small nod and a shrug.

Then again, Eren would normally let her get what she wanted, he often wondered if he had made her a _'spoilt brat'_ as quoted from Levi when the Ackerman saw how easily the brunette gave in. However that wasn't the case, even Levi said so, she wasn't that greedy despite being more or less spoilt by the brunette. There were moments she would stare at toys for a while, but once she saw the price tag she would look away and continued on her stroll with Eren. And when Eren would glance at the price tag, it was often numbers over fifty. In that aspect, she was like Mikasa. _She was mature and considerate._

Sighing, Eren's mind became gloomy and foggy once again. The thought of telling her the truth was honestly bugging him a lot more than it should. She was only six years old, there was still a lot of time before the truth. But time was something that could fly away so fast, Eren would know. _Time flew so fast for Mikasa, and he was there to painfully witness it._

" _Papa?"_ Sachiko called out, her voice once again dragging Eren out of his negative thoughts. The little raven had a concerned and worried expression, after having noticed he spaced out for a while with a blank look. Eren was quick to reassure her, patting her head as he passed her school bag to her, before helping her out of the car. "Be a good girl in class okay?" Eren spoke softly as Sachiko nodded, followed by a comment regarding about earlier, "Are you sure you're okay? You're not sick are you?" Sachiko questioned softly. "I'm not, I'm not. Don't worry about me." Eren assured her again. Sachiko's worry about his health was quick to remind Eren of Mikasa, and then, he instinctively gave Sachiko an embrace. The little girl surprised at the sudden hug, but only embraced back in response. They remained like that for a while before Sachiko managed to pull away, "You were squishing me too much again!" Sachiko giggled slightly which Eren rolled his eyes a little at. "Sorry for that..." He spoke softly before planting a kiss on her forehead. "I'll pick you up later okay?" Eren spoke, which Sachiko gave a nod at, waving to Eren before she ran off the moment she heard the bell ring.

As the brunette which his child run off with her two little feet, he recalled her first steps. It was probably the most cutest and heart-warming thing. He was with Armin then, as the two tried to get her to walk. Though, the moment she was able to stand up and walk more or less without stumbling thanks to the guidance of Armin, she immediately ran into Eren's arms. Ah, it was something he loved to remember and recall, something positive. He then recalled her first words. _'Papa', it was._ Eren did sometimes wonder if it would've been _'Mama'_ if Mikasa was still there.

Quickly brushing off his oncoming negative thoughts that were bound to arise again, he entered back into his car as he drove back home. Thankfully, the brunette managed to land a more or less stay home job, which he was grateful for. It just meant that he had more time for Sachiko, unless he was called to go to the office.

" _Mikasa… am I raising her right?" Eren pondered on quietly._

* * *

Meanwhile, in class, and as usual, Sachiko listened attentively in class. She never made much of a ruckus during class or recess time, unlike Eren who always somehow manage to get himself in trouble ever since his school years started.

Soon enough, after the dreaded classes, it finally came the period where the teacher had said that they'd get to draw something special. Sachiko had hoped deeply that the theme given would be something related to family, she really wanted to draw something to impress her father.

Although she wasn't too far off from her guess of what the theme was, she still wore a confused and _lost_ look when the teacher had told them what to draw.

" _Mother's day_ is coming. I would like you all to draw something for your mother, or your mother herself! And next week, get your mothers to come and hand over the beautiful drawing to her as a gift!" The teacher's enthusiastic tone was enough to get the other students excited, as they scrambled to get their colour pencils and other drawing materials out.

All were excited, except _one_ who stared blankly at the empty sheet of paper.

An odd feeling filled up Sachiko's stomach, she felt weird. She felt _left out_. Looking left and right, she saw her peers already drawing something. Some drew their mother's favourite things, others drew their mothers themselves. At this moment in time, she recalled the times she saw _families_ , _families that had_ _mothers_. She often wondered why she never had one, at first she had assumed it was normal not to have one. But as time passed, she began to notice that her peers and such had mothers. _So why didn't she have one?_

There was a time, where she was sitting on the swing, as her father pushed her high up, causing the little girl to shriek with excitement, "Higher! Higher!" She had called out. And from the view from the top, she saw families again, families that most people would call _complete_. Her shrieks oddly died down, and when Eren had noticed he stopped with the swinging. "Is everything alright?" The brunette had asked the little girl, and was about to continue to question if she had any injuries or whatsoever until he noticed what she was looking at. At that, she noticed his emerald orbs becoming a little foggy, it scared her a little. _"Papa…"_ she mumbled out, but nothing else came out after. There was something telling her that she shouldn't ask what she was about to. "How about we go home?" Eren suggested softly, though the raven haired female shook her head, a smile which followed after. "I want to play with Papa a little longer!" She grinned, which Eren chuckled in response before he complied.

 _That day was imprinted deeply in her memory._ Her father had worn such a sorrowful expression when noticing the family from afar, and when she realized that, she saw it as a sign to not question anything. Like Mikasa, she was sharp, too sharp for her age. Though, her father did regain his smile afterwards, but only when she did. Ever since noticing that, she barely cried, barely show her sadness, not wanting her father to be sad. It was hard for a child, to have such important questions bottled up, along with her emotions. Though, she wasn't sad that often, she was surrounded by love after all, but when she was, she would remain silent with no tears. At times, her father would catch her hiding her emotions, _"I can tell you know."_ He would often say, though sometimes he didn't really question nor fully knew the root of the problem that caused her sorrow.

She didn't know how he had known about her sadness, even though she had assumed she managed to hide it so well, but he did anyway. Regardless, he would often attempt at comforting her by doing silly things, there was once he did some weird chicken dance which caused an outburst of laughter from the two.

But even with the laughter, Sachiko remained unsatisfied with only one thing that she always pondered on about, but was always too afraid to ask.

" _Sachiko!"_ Her teacher called out, "Why aren't you drawing? If you have no idea what to draw, you can draw your mother!" she had encouraged.

" _I don't have one."_ Sachiko blurted out, in a rather emotionless tone. Even with that tone, she received stares from her classmates soon after, her teacher included.

Upon noticing the stares around her, she immediately looked down. Was it wrong _not_ to have one? Was it a bad thing? Why were they staring at her like _that_? –Like she was so different just because of that statement. The stares terrified her for some reason, her heart was palpitating now. What was she supposed to do? What was she supposed to say? _"Papa…"_ She muttered out silently to herself, wanting Eren to desperately be there, wanting her father to hug her and get her out of this tensed and uncomfortable atmosphere.

" _You don't have to bottle up your emotions, Sachiko... you don't have to hide them from me either..." Eren had told her before._

And for the first time since a long, long time ago, the little girl felt her eyes fogging up, tears then sliding down, one by one.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Please leave comments! I hope this was okay.


	4. Nobody's Fault

**Disclaimer: I do not own Shingeki No Kyojin / Attack On Titan nor its characters.**

* * *

Supposedly, Eren should have been back at home, doing work. But for one reason or another, he found himself driving towards the cemetery before he could even realize it. The cemetery where Mikasa had been buried.

As soon as he had arrived, Eren immediately walked towards where Mikasa was buried, staring down at her gravestone quietly, before kneeling down as he started to have a conversation. _"Hey…_ _Mikasa._ " He spoke out quietly, "It's been a while… I miss you so much." He mumbled softly. "Sorry that I haven't visited you in quite a while... everybody has been quite busy and… I was just… _scared_ to come here all by myself."

Eren hadn't exactly visited Mikasa too often, well, at least not alone. Because, whenever he would look at the grave, he felt nothing but sorrow, regret and guilt. At least with some company, Eren wouldn't be as vulnerable as he was right now. "I know that's a stupid reason for not visiting you… but I can't help it. You know, you could've still been here if I …if I had just noticed more." Eren mumbled out, tears already starting to fog up his emerald orbs.

"Is it _my_ fault, Mikasa? Why didn't you tell me anything?" Eren mumbled, biting his lip as he felt his heart beginning to ache. "I don't understand… if you felt that something was wrong, why didn't you tell _me_? I don't get it! Mikasa… _why_?"

At this point, the brunette was already shedding tears, which were now streaming down his cheeks. The fact he didn't have the ability to understand Mikasa's actions had pained him a lot. He wanted the answers, he wanted her reasoning so badly. He wanted _her_ back, so desperately.

"… _Our daughter, Sachiko… am I raising her right?"_

There was silence for quite a while. Eren wanted a response so badly from Mikasa. He didn't care if it was something good or bad. He just wanted to hear her voice again, he wanted her to be there. Even though he had been doing this all alone for six years, he wasn't sure if he could continue doing so all alone. It wasn't easy, it may look like so, but truly it wasn't.

Although those six years with Sachiko was something he would never trade for anything, he still worried if he was doing something wrong in raising her, he worried that he wasn't good enough to be her father, and that one day he would just mess up badly. He wanted the best for Sachiko, but how much longer can he provide her the best? He also had worried that one day he could no longer give her the best. Was he even giving her the best? Was he enough for her? _Was just a father enough for her?_

" _Mikasa… can't you come back?"_ The brunette had pleaded in a desperate tone, as if he had expected a response back, which he did, but not from her.

"Unfortunately, _she can't_." A voice spoke out, that was unfortunately not Mikasa's, but another Ackerman.

Turning around, the brunette saw Levi, standing a few feet away from him. "So, you finally had some guts to come here all by yourself?" Levi had spoken out. In response, the brunette just wiped his tears away, before facing back at the shorter male, not knowing what to say, not knowing how to act. "Is there anything you want to say?" The raven had asked, raising a brow.

"How long have you been standing there…?" The brunette finally managed to question. "Long enough to see how much of a mess you are." Levi stated bluntly, causing the brunette to flinch slightly, and then looking away. "Sorry, was that too far?" Levi sighed, before approaching Mikasa's grave, kneeling down and murmured some wishes for her before his attention went back to the brunette as he stood up.

"She can't come back, you should know that..." Levi repeated, though this time in a more gentle tone. After all, his intention wasn't to break the brunette, it was far from that. "And even though you do spoil Sachiko at most times, she's still a well-behaved girl, you've brought her up well and—"

"Levi…" Eren mumbled, causing the raven to pause at his words. Even though his words didn't seem that of words of comfort, Eren knew that Levi was just trying to console him, but he knew that that wasn't going to change anything. He had heard all sorts of comforts from all of his friends, and yet nothing changed, he still saw himself at fault for Mikasa's death. He was barely staying afloat in his flood of sorrow, and the only thing keeping him afloat currently was Sachiko, his beloved daughter.

"Thank you but… you know as well as I do that words like _that_ aren't able to get me out of this shitty state. It hadn't for six years, what's the difference now?" Eren scoffed slightly.

"I'm just stating facts." Levi responded, before continuing, "Mikasa… wouldn't want you to blame yourself for whatever happened. Nobody, not even her, would ever think what happened was your fault—"

"Then tell me, Levi, why didn't she tell me anything?" Eren snapped slightly, cutting the raven off. "You speak of her like you know her so damn well… then tell me… _tell me_ why she didn't even bother telling me that she knew she wasn't going to be alright when delivering Sachiko?!"

The raven remained silent, knowing the brunette had more to say, and he was right. "It's my fault, right?! I noticed her behaviour changed because of that, and I did _nothing!_ I should've pestered her more, then maybe she'd have told me the problem… instead of carrying all that burden onto herself! Then maybe… maybe we could've brought her to the doctors to check, and then she could've lived! She could've lived with me and Sachiko!"

Levi's eyes had widened a little at noticing the tears that once again flowed down, except, unlike his earlier tears that were filled with sorrow, the ones now were filled with frustration, anger and most of all, pain. He couldn't blame the brunette for acting this way, he understood his feelings. The feelings of loss. Throughout Levi's life, he had experienced that feeling so much, but even with having experienced that feeling of loss several times, he had never grown used to it, he wasn't numb to it. In fact, the loss of Mikasa who was family, who he _saw_ as family, had affected him a lot. But, as obvious as it was, it had affected the brunette a lot more, especially since he had a child to raise all by himself. Levi had hoped that with due time, Eren would learn that Mikasa's death wasn't his fault. Though, judging by his words and expression, that wasn't the case.

"Mikasa… _Mikasa could've lived._ It was my fault that she didn't even tell me right? She was probably afraid of my response… maybe I said something that caused her to remain silent about it and—"

"Enough with the rumbling already, Eren." Levi sighed, cutting him off. If Eren wasn't going to recognize that it wasn't his fault by himself, the least he could do was try to make him see things, from a clearer and different perspective. "Listen, Mikasa has her own reasons why she remained silent about it. I don't think she was afraid of your response. I mean, if I were in her shoes, I'd prefer my last days to be spent normally, being treated normally that is. Moreover, she saw it in a dream, didn't she? She was probably in denial as well. But, all in all, knowing Mikasa, she wouldn't want you to be worried for her, especially with her due date being near. And knowing Mikasa, she would want to be treated normally on her last few days rather than have someone looking at her with eyes filled with constant worry and guilt, right?"

At Levi's reasoning, the brunette remained quiet. His points did make a little sense. If she had told Eren, Eren would in no doubt feel guilty for getting her pregnant and placing her in a situation like that. He would've been worried, worried that the baby probably wouldn't have made it too, worried that Mikasa would've died sooner than when he baby would be delivered. Such emotions like that, he knew were inevitable.

"But... _the doctors_...they could've—"

"If those doctors couldn't have detected any issues with Mikasa days before her due date, I doubt they'd have found something wrong with her." Levi sighed, as he continued, "And also, knowing Mikasa, she would never blame you for it, for anything…on another note, _aren't you also keeping her final wish?_ "

At that, there was the silence that filled the air once more as the brunette attempted in collecting his thoughts, but the raven was quick to continue, his tone a more serious one now.

"The offer still stands. If you don't think you can raise Sachiko anymore, Hanji and I will. But if you do choose that then—"

"No, _I_ will raise her." Eren responded quickly. Even before the raven could've completed his sentence, he had known what he was already going to say, which was that if they raised them, Mikasa's wish wouldn't have been fulfilled. But it wasn't only that, that made him not want to give Sachiko up. Even if it was difficult, even if he still struggled with the emotions that was due to the loss of Mikasa, it was all worth it, because at the end of the day, he would get to see Sachiko's smile that brought him life, even if it did painfully remind him of Mikasa, he was just happy, he was able to give his daughter _happiness_. Not only that, but Sachiko was all what Eren had left ever since Mikasa's death. Sure, the brunette may have friends like Armin and such, but Sachiko was different, _Sachiko was his and Mikasa's daughter_.

"Are you _only_ saying that because that's Mikasa's last wish? If you honestly see it as a _chore_ , I—"

" _I said I will raise her."_ Eren repeated, this time his tone was firmer. _"She's my daughter, that's why, not yours."_

Hearing Eren's tone grow determine again, only caused Levi to scoff slightly, "Will you have any doubts about that again?"

" _No_. Although… I'm still new with parenting, I may make mistakes on the way…" Eren mumbled the last few bits quietly.

"Just make a choice with no regrets, got it?" Levi lectured, which the brunette gave a small nod at.

Again, there was silence that filled the air for a few moments as the two males stared quietly at Mikasa's grave that was until the brunette broke it. "Do you miss her..?"

"Of course I do." Levi responded with no hesitance. "Even though we were cousins, she was like a little sister to me."

"Then how… are you able to look so... _okay_?"

"Different people deal with their sorrows and emotions differently, don't you think?" He sighed quietly, " _Even Sachiko_."

At hearing his daughter's name, Eren immediately turned towards Levi, with a confused look. What did he mean by that? Though, before he could ask, Levi continued, "That girl is smarter and sharper than you think. Ever since my recent visits, to me, she seems like she's bottling something up… haven't _you_ noticed too?"

" _I…_ "

"It may be too early, but the truth about her mother should be told—" Before Levi could continue, he noticed the brunette looking troubled, heaving another sigh he continued, "But that's for _you_ to decide… I'm not her father after all, and I'm not the one who spent six complete years with her."

"Yeah…I'll think about it." Eren responded. He had been wrong, about the fact that he had assumed Sachiko wasn't bothered by the absence of a mother, of _her_ mother. But, he was unwilling to think about that now, about the fact that maybe Sachiko had noticed his sorrow, and that was why she supposedly had something bottled up, as stated by Levi.

"Like I said earlier... it _wasn't_ your fault. Nobody could've done anything to save her. Even if she told you, it all comes down to whether the doctors could've done anything, which they couldn't, they weren't even able to detect anything wrong. Her death was nobody's fault, she wouldn't want it to be anybody's anyway…" And just as Levi was about to continue on with his lecture, the brunette had cut him off, _"I know that now... thank you."_

Giving Mikasa's grave one last gaze, he bent down and whispered her a soft goodbye, before standing up, turning his back to leave. But before he could, Levi had stopped him in his tracks again. "Just a question out of curiosity." He started, before continuing, "Do you think you'll ever move on from Mikasa? Find someone else?"

Hearing that question had made the brunette scoffed at how silly that question sounded, considering his answer was rather obvious. Turning around, facing Levi slightly, he spoke, "I wouldn't be able to. There's no one else that I could fall for as deeply as her, it wouldn't be the same." And with that, the brunette left.

Levi only scoffed slightly at his response, "As expected of that brat…" He murmured quietly, before looking towards Mikasa's grave. "Rest assured, Mikasa, that brat will do just fine, so will your daughter." After murmuring his last wishes for Mikasa, the other Ackerman left, with a small tear that escaped his exhausted eyes.

* * *

Back at home, Eren looked through his closet, finding something comfortable to change into before he would start on his work. He still had a few more hours before he had to pick up Sachiko anyway. Though, halfway as he looked through the closet, he felt a soft fabric, familiar to touch, and had a familiar scent. Pulling it out, he found it to be Mikasa's red scarf.

He didn't really wear it often, the majority of the reason being that he didn't want to risk his daughter questioning why the scarf seemed rather important to him, since she was a sharp little girl after all. That was something the brunette found hard to lie about, the scarf held too much significance for the brunette to just bury it with lies. Not only that, but the scent of Mikasa that seemed to have been permanently imprinted on the scarf would often bother him, in terms that he wouldn't be able to focus with his work, but instead, drown himself in youthful memories.

Sighing softly, he wrapped the scarf around his neck, already distracted. _"Mikasa…"_ He murmured out quietly, as he closed his eyes, and was about to drift off into the memories, until his phone rang.

Quickly picking it up, he spoke "Hello?"

"Hello? This is Mr Jaeger, right? Your daughter seems to be feeling unwell, do you mind picking her u—"

Without a moment of hesitance, the brunette ended the call, grabbed his car keys and rushed off to Sachiko's school. And even though by the school's staff's tone, that made it seem Sachiko wasn't that hurt or ill, the brunette couldn't help but worry as he rushed over to her school.

* * *

After a few moments, Eren had finally arrived at her school, rushing off to the infirmary to see Sachiko sitting down on the resting bed quietly. As compared to the morning, she wasn't exactly bubbly anymore, and that was what concerned the brunette deeply.

"Ah, Mr Jaeger, right? Your daughter vomited during class. You see, they were—" Before the nurse could even explain the circumstances to the brunette, he had already y rushed over to her side, before dismissing the nurse, who left, not wanting to bother them.

"Sachiko! Are you alright? Do you have a fever?" Eren asked, in a rather concerned tone as he placed his hand on her forehead to check.

While he checked, Sachiko only remained quiet. Her eyes seemed a little dulled as compared to before. _"Papa…"_ She muttered before embracing him tightly suddenly. She was so relieved and happy he was here now, back in class, the stares had been too much for the little girl. Not only that, but she started to hear some whispers from the students who started to come up with theories on what she meant by she didn't have a mother. And to be frank, they _weren't_ nice. Even her teacher was pulled aside by her co-form teacher who had Sachiko as a student for quite a year or two before, and had been more familiar with her family circumstances.

" _Didn't the principal tell you?Her mom's—"_

And that was more or less all she could recall, before she vomited. The whispers, the stares and the comments made, had caused the little girl to feel sick to the stomach, anxious. It was too much for her, she had never been placed in such a tensed atmosphere, where she felt like such an _outcast_. And in result of _that_ , she puked. And now, she was in the infirmary, and now, her father's loving arms, in which she sought solace to.

Eren didn't question her sudden embrace, he only hugged her back. "Let's go home okay…? You need rest." Eren spoke quietly, in a worrisome way. She didn't have a fever, but that just made the brunette more concerned. _If it wasn't an illness that made her eyes look so exhausted, what could it be?_ The brunette didn't know, he was more focused on bringing her home for her to rest.

" _Papa…"_ Sachiko called out again. "Yes? Is there something wr—"

And just before the brunette could complete is sentence, Sachiko's next few words that caused the brunette's words to be cut off, had now left him speechless, loss of words, and his eyes now widened as he struggled to find suitable words to say, to give her a proper answer. But no words could come out.

" _Papa… why don't I have a Mama?"_ The little girl questioned, as she looked up at her father, with the same look he had worn at Mikasa's grave.

_A look, so desperate for an answer._

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Please leave a comment! Thank you for reading :)


	5. Nowhere To Hide Anymore.

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> The truth is slipping out. And at the end of the day, the brunette is cornered, nowhere to hide.

** Disclaimer: I do not own Shingeki No Kyojin / Attack On Titan nor its characters. **

* * *

" _Papa… why don't I have a Mama?"_ _The little girl questioned, as she looked up at her father, with the same look he had worn at Mikasa's grave._

_A look, so desperate for an answer._

* * *

_Eren stared blankly at the look she had shot him, it was something he had never seen before, a look of desperation mixed with curiosity which Sachiko currently wore._

_"I... uh... ah …" Eren stuttered. What could he say? He wasn't mentally prepared to answer that question, he hadn't expected to be cornered like this, with such a painful question to answer._

_"L-Let's go home first… okay?" Eren muttered, before carrying his daughter up, who again hugged Eren tightly. Even though Sachiko didn't question anything further after that, Eren was still worried of what was to come when he actually reached home. To be frank, he was concerned about everything now. Sachiko was acting different, she was quiet, and she didn't have the bubbly and happy look. Those expressions were all replaced by_ _dull looks, pained eyes_ _…_ _the awkward and uncomfortable silence._

_"S-Sachiko… so how was school today?" Eren questioned, in hope of brightening up the mood. After all, the little girl always had something fun to say about school, always had some adventures to share that she went on with her friends. She would at least say something._

_However, she didn't. Though, the trigger that caused Eren to remain silent throughout the ride home was when he noticed his daughter flinching at the word_ _'school'_ _._ _What had exactly happened in school? Was she being bullied?_

_Worrisome thoughts circulated around the brunette's head on what was going on with his daughter. But one thing's for sure, he was not going to give up on cheering her up. "Sachiko… there's this new ice cream place down the street… do you want to—"_

_"I_ _want_ _to go home." Sachiko responded, "..._ _I want an answer_ _." She muttered, being rather blunt. It seemed she was impatient for the answer that she hoped she'd get from the brunette. Hearing her words, the brunette could detect some determination in her tone, and in that instant, Eren knew there was no backing out, there was nowhere to hide anymore._ _Or was there?_

Eren didn't really know what he should do. Even if he did tell her that her mother passed away, he knew she was bound to ask the question of, _'how?'_

And then what was he to say afterwards? That she died while giving birth to her? Hell no. That was the last thing he ever planned to tell the six year old. She hadn't fully matured, she hadn't seen the true cruelty of the world and hadn't understand how it worked, how life worked. And because she hadn't, he knew there was no way she'd be able to take the truth so easily without putting all the blame onto herself, just like how Eren did until Levi helped open his eyes. Well, regardless of her age, he knew she wouldn't be able to handle it. But for a six year old hearing such a cruel truth… the consequences of her knowing said truth would be _disastrous._

But, the brunette _couldn't_ lie about the truth either. The truth will come back and bite him after all, and not only that, but he didn't want to lose her trust. If he lied to her now, and told the truth later… what would she think of him? Even if he did lie about such a tragic yet important topic for the sake of the six year old's happiness, what good was it when she would know about it afterwards? He just _didn't_ want to lose her trust, he _didn't_ want her to lose faith in him. He _didn't_ want their father-daughter bond to be strained, brittle and weakened because of that.

She was all he had left ever since then, she was the strong spirit that kept him alive. If he had lost the bond with her, with Sachiko, he would be left with nothing. At least that's how the brunette saw it.

There was also the option of running away, hiding and avoiding the truth. But Eren knew, _that wasn't what Mikasa would want him to do, that wasn't something he would want to do._ To leave his daughter in the dark was something he never wanted, she deserved to know the truth after all. Because, she is Mikasa Ackerman's daughter, and only child.

And before he knew it, they were finally home. A place Eren never knew he would be so reluctant to return to. The silence between the two till remained as they exited the car, entering the house.

Eren was never good at handling such awkward and tensed situations, he would often do silly things to cheer her up, but he knew that wouldn't really help with the situation at hand.

_The question still remained, should he tell her the truth?_

In the first place, what triggered such a question from the little girl whose eyes were devoid of anything positive?

" _Papa…"_ Sachiko called out in a pained manner, sending chills down the brunette's spine. "Today… the teacher told us to draw something special… for _Mother's Day_."

So that was it, what triggered all of this. Now that he thought about it, Sachiko never really mentioned about Mother's Day until now, he had supposed that after he had told the school about their family circumstances that they avoided anything related to that. After all, if an innocent six year old, who knew of no truth about the cruelness of this world, were to say that she didn't have a mother in the middle of class, or anything related to that, it wouldn't end well. And that was what Eren had assumed had happened, he wasn't sure if it was a slip up or whatever-so, he didn't blame the school though. These sort of things were inevitable. They had done enough in assisting the brunette in sheltering her from the inevitable cruelness of the truth.

"And… when I said I didn't… I didn't have a m-mother… everyone stared at me…" Sachiko mumbled, her body starting to tremble as she gripped onto the sleeves of her shirt tightly. And almost instantly, Eren scooped her up and placed her on his lap after sitting down, hugging her. " _Shh_ …we don't have to talk about it—"

"W-Why did they stare at me like that? Is it wrong _not_ t-to have one?" Sachiko started, and without having to look at her expression, Eren knew she was on the verge of tears. Just by hearing her shaky tone, he knew she was scared, scared of the truth and everything now. "I have a papa… why don't I have a mama..? _A mother..?_ "

"Sachiko… _I_ …"

" _I want the truth..."_ Sachiko spoke, cutting the brunette off with the same desperate tone she had earlier on.

Biting his lip, the brunette hugged her tighter, squeezing her closely as he searched for words to say. And eventually, an answer came to him, _but_ _not an answer she'd like_.

"Sachiko… I-I'll tell you when you're older…for now you should get some rest…" Eren stuttered out. The brunette had never felt like such a coward in his entire life. He shouldn't tell her the truth, _right?_ Not now, at least. _She was six years old, this wasn't a good time… right?_

_There was also the option of running away, hiding and avoiding the truth. Was Eren doing exactly that?_

Well, he _wasn't_ lying. As reluctant as he may be, he had always planned to tell her the truth, when she got older. Though, it was wrong for him to have assumed that Sachiko would've remained quiet about that manner until then. _But, was he hiding? Running away? Was this the correct choice?_

Eren didn't really know if this was considered running away from the truth. He just knew, or at least assumed, that a six year old wouldn't be able to handle such heavy emotions on such a matter. There was no way this wouldn't end in a flood of tears.

' _Make a choice with no regrets.'_ Levi had often said, whenever he would ask him for advice.

_Was this the right choice? Was this a choice with no regrets?_

And now, Sachiko had remained silent, making no eye contact with Eren.

Silently, she squeezed her way out of Eren's embrace. "I'm going to rest now…" She had murmured, as she walked towards the stairs that led up to her room. "Sachiko, wait I'll come—"

" _No…it's okay…"_ The raven girl had muttered out quietly, though loud enough for the brunette to hear before she had rushed up and went into her room.

Sachiko needed time, time alone and to herself. She needed time alone to think, to breathe. All she wanted was the truth, why was that so hard?

She loved her father so much, she had never once doubted him, and she always trusted him. So why can't he trust her back to know and understand the truth? She didn't know.

' _Is it because… I'm six?'_ she thought to herself quietly, as she crawled slowly onto her bed. There was a time she recalled Levi and Eren having a seemingly serious situation. Curious, she went forward to ask. But only to be met with a response along the lines of, _'you're too young'_ or ' _it's grown up stuff'_ before she was shooed away to play with Hanji or whoever was there.

In a way, she understood that there were some things a six year old did not understand. But at the same time, this wasn't just any _'grown-up stuff'_ , it involved _her_ mother, whom she never seen or met in all her life.

The words that the other students had whispered about what she said about not having a mother triggered an awful feeling inside of her.

Statements like, _'My dad told me that families like that are broken.'_ Were spoken, and many more harsh ones that she didn't wish to remember, it ached her heart—it _still_ did.

Never once had she thought her family was broken, but now...

' _Family, Sachiko, doesn't exactly have to be blood related. Someday, you'll have friends who will mean so much to you, as if they were family to you.' Those were words that Eren had told her, several times._

Those words left a huge imprint on her. But in this moment of time, blood related or not, was her family really broken? _Was it incomplete?_

Thoughts like that clouded into her mind, consuming her bit by bit as tears started to roll down her eyes as her classmate's words started to echo in her head.

Another statement went through her mind, a comment made by a student, _'Did her mother leave her?'_

Simple comments made by those of her age had never hurt her so much. She was human, just like them, and yet they looked at her so differently when realizing she didn't have a mother. Not only that, but they made such crazy assumptions, that she didn't even know if it were false or true.

But… did her mother _really_ leave her? Was that why her father looked so pained whenever he would glance at those _completed_ families as well?

_Did she leave because of her?_

Sachiko's heart was palpitating now, she now started to take deep breathes, in order to calm her nerves. She didn't want to puke again, even though her stomach urged her to. She wanted to get all these agitating emotions out.

" _Sachiko… I-I'll tell you when you're older…for now you should get some rest…"_

She sensed worry in her father's tone as he said those words, one of her reason to have given up persisting the brunette for answers. The last thing she wanted was to worry her father. But then again, the last thing that she ever wanted was to be devoid of any truth.

"Papa…" She called out softly, "How long will I have to wait…? I… I want to know who Mama is… Is she bad? Is she good? … Why do you _never_ talk about her? _Where is she…?_ "

" _Papa… why are you hiding? What are you hiding…?" She whispered ever so softly, her eyes closing slowly, gradually fading off to the land of dreams, an escape from the pained reality._

* * *

When Sachiko had went up to her room, and requested for Eren straightforwardly not to follow her, something felt as if it were dying inside of the brunette. Was it the wrong choice he had made? The one that filled with regrets?

Clenching his fist, Eren punched the couch as he cursed under his breath. "Damnit… _Damnit…!_ "

Even without asking, the hurt that his daughter felt was obvious in her face. After all, knowing how sharp she was, Ern knew she was just so frustrated, saddened, that he would not tell her anything about her mother.

"What do I do..?" Eren uttered under his breath, as he gripped the scarf that he wore ever so tightly, "Mikasa… what do I do now? Tell me… say something... _anything_ …"

And as obvious as it was, he got no response. _'Ah… that's right.'_ Eren thought quietly as he recalled what Levi had said back then. It was along the lines that she wouldn't be able to come back.

Silently, he dragged himself upstairs. Standing a few feet away from Sachiko's room, he finally mastered the courage to go check on her. And when entering, he noticed her having fallen asleep. Not wanting to disturb her, he left. So now, he went back into his room, collapsing onto his bed exhaustedly as he rolled over to what _was_ his wife's side of the bed.

" _Mikasa... even though you're not here…_ " He whispered quietly, closing his eyes _. "Lend… me your strength…"_ And with that, he drifted off into a _deep_ slumber.

* * *

Around seven or eight, where the sun had already set, Sachiko slowly woke up from her _'mini'_ nap. The exhaustion of her day at school that day seemed to have gotten to her, regardless, it was a good rest. Except, now feeling more energetic, it'd be a definite huge issue for her father later on if he were to put her to bed to sleep later on.

Though, despite feeling refreshed and more energetic as compared to earlier in the day, something inside of her prevented her to return her usual bubbly self.

Rolling herself out of bed, just as she were about to exit her room, she took a glance at herself in her mirror, before she halted in her steps. After having stared at her reflection for a while, her finger reached out to twirl her raven in-colour hair. From almost all the cartoons she had watched, from all the families she had observed, their child would always have something similar in terms of physical traits, from _both_ parents.

"Papa _doesn't_ have black hair…" She muttered quietly, now wondering if her mother had black hair, or was it just inherited from her ancestors? Though, such a coincidence like inheriting said traits from ancestors from who knows how long was like a once in the blue moon coincidence.

"I wonder what Papa is doing…" She mumbled quietly, considering for her whole long afternoon nap, Eren hadn't wake her up, which was what he normally would do if she overslept, or rather, _'over-napped'_ , so that she wouldn't be a nocturnal being for the whole night.

Suddenly, she heard a loud clap of thunder, echoing from outside, startling the little girl slightly. Glancing out, she noticed it beginning to pour rain.

She wasn't that afraid of lightning and thunder, Eren had managed to get her to overcome that fear long ago, making fun of the sounds and doing silly things, telling exhilarating fantasy stories about rain that he'd often make up. Though, it did startle and scare her once in a while, especially if the atmosphere felt eerie.

On rainy nights like this, she and Eren would normally play a game involving the sounds of the rain, but that wasn't the case now.

Silently, she exited her room, before walking over to Eren's room, turning the knob as she opened the door. And normally, the girl would've bounced up and down on his bed to wake him up, or anything else that related to her being his personal alarm clock. But that wasn't the case now. Moving closer to Eren, she noticed him having an odd expression, it was hard to tell if it were something sorrowful or something peaceful. Either ways, she had decided to let Eren sleep in peace, not wanting to disturb him. _"Papa…"_ She muttered out quietly, and now, having nothing else to do, she decided to try to go back to asleep, next to her father who she wished were awake, she wanted to play games with him after all. But for now, she just wanted him to get proper rest, to stay in his land of dreams a little longer. She recalled the look he had on after she had specifically told him not to follow, it was something of hurt, and knowing a nap had always brightened her father's gloomy mood, she wanted him to sleep a little longer.

Carefully, she crawled into her father's bed, covering herself with the blanket, but even with the blanket she was still chilly. Sighing, she slowly got out of the bed as she walked over to Eren's closet, searching for one of his jackets that were huge enough to be a six year old's blanket. Though, as her hands dug into his drawers to find a jacket, she felt _something else_ … _hidden_ beneath all his other clothes that he messily stuffed in there.

Cautiously, she took it out, only to find a _photo album_.

Silently, she started to flip through, and as she kept flipping through the pages, she soon noticed a little girl who had _similar_ facial features, the _same_ coloured hair as her… a _similar_ smile.

' _Is that my…?'_

Sachiko kept flipping and flipping. She was unable to block her curiosity from venturing any further. And as she kept on flipping, _that_ little girl got older, and the pictures of her and her father had increased. What confirmed this theory that, _that was her mother_ was that one of the pages was labelled as _'wedding day,'_ and it contained numerous pictures of her father, and the bride, _her mother, gazing into each other's eyes with such a loving, caring look._

As Sachiko continued looking through this photos, she didn't feel… _sad_ or anything like that which wasn't what she had expected to feel. _These_ _vibrant pictures_ didn't trigger those sort of emotions. Her father and mother looked so happy in all of these pictures, it led her to completely believe that her family _wasn't 'broken'_ like what her classmates said, and that… _maybe she would come back._ That maybe she was just on a long vacation, and would come back home, to her father, _to her_.

Though, the smile she had on as she kept flipping was _extremely_ quick to change immediately, to a look of which was opposite.

_Under the label, 'Birth of our child', there were no pictures, none—it was the end of the photo album._

Sachiko's hand began to shake with fear, confusion. _What…. did this mean? Why wasn't there any photos of her father and her supposed mother? What—_

Before she could go deeper in thought, lightning struck the sky as it was then accompanied by loud echoes of the raging thunder, causing the girl to drop the photo album, photos scattering everywhere now. And now, her heart was palpitating, it was racing now.

_And then, it came to her. Everything linked up._

A few moments before she had vomited out her fear at school, she had heard her teacher's comment ever so faintly. _Before_ , she couldn't manage to make it out, the sound of her puking had blocked out other's words. But _now_ , that scene which now replayed countlessly in her head— the _one single particular comment_ that had been partially cut off by the noises of her puke now echoed in her head, _was now getting clearer._

" _Didn't the principal tell you?"_

"No… no. no. no…" Sachiko muttered out, as her little hands reached out to cover her ears as she shook her head, an attempt to keep those voices out. _Now, she feared the truth._

_"Her mom's…"_

"No... no...no… no. stop it...stop it..." She pleaded as tears started to flow out her eyes, her hands covering her ears even tighter as her body trembled. _Now, she didn't want to hear the truth. That was the last thing she wanted suddenly, it was fear that led her to change like this._

" _Didn't the principal tell you? Her mom's… **dead.** "_

_Another flash of lightning shocked the entire sky filled with ominous gloomy clouds, along echoed the thunder..._ _and_ _a little girl's scream that awoke the brunette who had been in a deep sleep._

_"Sachiko?! Sachiko—"_

Eren had recognised his daughter's scream easily, his heart was thumping in fright, assuming the worst had happened as he jumped out of bed immediately, following the sound of her screams to only find that she had been sitting down on the floor next to his bed, finding scattered pieces of papers on the floor, and his daughter _crying, with an… unexplainable look she now had on._

_"_ _Sachiko?!_ _What happened—"_

It took him a few more moments to know what those pieces of papers were, they were photographs. He didn't have to question anything, he knew she looked through them, and in an instant, _he knew what she knew._

Before Eren could've even have enough time to make an expression, Sachiko had looked up to her father, with pained eyes that were drained and devoid of any form of life. That look in her eyes had startled Eren, but what frightened him more was _her words and her agonizing tone laced with those words._

 _"_ Mama _…_ _Mama…_ Did she _die_ because of _me?_ "

* * *

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Please leave a comment/review <3


	6. The Truth Can Hurt, So Much.

** Disclaimer: I do not own Shingeki No Kyojin / Attack On Titan nor its characters. **

* * *

_"_ _Mama_ _…_ _Mama…_ _Did she_ _die_ _because of_ _me?_ "

Eren stood there, silent, his eyes widened—emerald orbs which stared at her in fright.

 _What… was he to say now?_ He _couldn't_ run, he _couldn't_ hide. He was cornered. Even if he dodged the question or lie, the look that she had in her eyes, was enough proof that she would know, she could see the insides of him, as if he were transparent. Lying would be of no use, the same with avoiding.

His avoidance to the topic of her mother had all led to this moment… and he should've known, expected and brace this grave consequence. Everything he had done or had said to her resulted in this torturous moment that caused the brunette's breath to grow shaky. He had never told his daughter about her mother, or rather, who she was. Not a single thing. Thinking about it now, it was as if she had never existed in this household in the first place. Never having mentioned Mikasa directly, it seemed like she had ceased to exist. _At least, in Sachiko's eyes._

Armin had told him once, majority of children were filled with questions that they couldn't help but ask continuously, and that such curiosity couldn't really be contained, well, not for too long. In some cases, Sachiko was like that, curious and full of questions. _But,_ never had she once questioned about her mother. Well, at least not that often or too directly. She had grown so adapted to just living with her father alone, she never felt strange to have one parent. That was until, her emerald orbs began to look at things more observantly, to see things that she wished she had never noticed in the first place.

She was so young, _too young_. And yet, she noticed things. She took notice of her friends having a pair of parents, she took notice that almost every family in the park that Eren and her would stroll along, had a complete pair of parents. But it wasn't just that. Even cartoons, often displayed two parents, along with their kid. At first, she was confused, and in denial that she was different from others, in that sense.

And on her first day in kindergarten, the teacher had told the story of a family, consisting of a father, mother and daughter, all of which, had a strong bond. That story made her feel incomplete for a brief moment, but she had shook it off. She often heard the word, _'mother'_ in her surroundings. She more or less knew what it meant, but she didn't _understand_ it. _What was it like to have one, exactly?_ That was something she never dared ask, _something inside her_ told her not to. And when she finally spoke that she had no mother, and receive those looks from her classmates, _her friends_ , she finally knew what that _'something inside her'_ was. It was fear of the unknown, fear of judgement.

Just because of such a slight difference, everyone began to look at her differently. Sure, she was different in the sense that she lacked of one parent. But, was she so different that everyone had to look at her as if she were an outcast? An alien? She spoke the same language as them. She was a student, like them. She was human, like them. So why did she receive a look like _that_ from everyone?

So, ever since that story her teacher then had told about that particular family, she had completely looked at things differently. She recalled swinging at the swings with her father who was pushing her. And at the sight of a particular family, which had a mother, she couldn't help but think of that story, which led to her feeling so… weird, a sense of feeling incomplete, if that made any sense. She couldn't describe the feeling clearly, but if anything, she felt like a puzzle missing a piece. At the same time, she felt a small emptiness slowly swallowing her up.

_And now, that emptiness was close to devouring her whole._

"It's because of me… isn't it?" Sachiko repeated, her tone sullen as she gripped tightly onto her sleeves, her hand shaking.

There was really, _really_ nowhere to hide anymore. All of Eren's choices, words and actions had led to this moment. If only he could turn back time, he would definitely make things different. But even so, he felt that the cruel twisted ways of fate would bring him to this moment anyway. Unable to utter a word, Sachiko continued, "That's why you… always have _that_ look whenever you look at me… whether I'm crying… or smiling… you have _that_ look. And when I'm crying especially… _that look of pain_ becomes so much worse. Is it… because…. _I look like Mama…?"_ Sachiko muttered ever so softly, more tears raining down. It wasn't just the rainstorm outside that sent Eren the chills.

Suddenly, angered at Eren's prolonged silence, Sachiko scrambled to pick up a photo of Mikasa when she was a kid. Holding it up, she pointed to Mikasa's face, and with an infuriated tone, she screeched, "Isn't that right?! That's Mama, isn't it?"

The tone of frustration that was clear in Sachiko's tone, had sent more chills down the brunette's spine. He had always known she had been different from most children, being rather mature as compared to many, many other six year olds, she was sharp as well. Too, too sharp. He never really thought anything of it, having assumed she had inherited such things from her mother, even though she didn't really have much influence in her life. After all, her mother had _never_ been there, she was dead. But now, he wished he had thought more of it, then maybe he wouldn't find himself in such a situation.

He had never heard his daughter yell in such a tone at him. He wasn't mad at her for doing so, he deserved it.

" _It wasn't… your fault, Sachiko…"_ Eren finally voiced quietly, his head bent down now, unable to even face his daughter. Unable to continue his words, Sachiko continued with her raging comments and questions.

"Then who's at fault?! I…I heard the teachers said _she_ _died_! And… this photo album has no… _no_ pictures of her when she had given birth to me! What other reason is there?!" She shouted, her hand crushing the paper a little subconsciously. She was a sharp and smart child, who observed too much, just too much. And now, she knew too much, she just didn't understand it, due to the brunette's prolonged silence, his lack of explanation.

Her words were like arrows shooting Eren from everywhere unexpected. "Sachiko… Y-You s-see—"

"Did Mama just left us because _she hates us_?! Because she doesn't want to see us?!" She accused suddenly, "So she walked out and… and _died_ running away! Is that what she meant?!" Sachiko spoke, _unable to think clearly_. _"Then it was_ _her fault! Her fault she's no longer here!"_

Her words now stung the brunette. Looking up, he noticed the rage, confusion and pain she held in her eyes. In that way, she was similar to the brunette—when angered, thinking clearly was hard, it was as if everything clear in mind had been fogged up. But when she accused Mikasa's death being her fault, Eren felt a little tinge of anger at such an accusation. But he felt he had no right to have such emotion towards Sachiko, when it was _he,_ who had caused this entire shitty situation.

"Sachiko… it _wasn't_ her fault. You… s-see… Your mother… she—"

"She left! She left _us,_ Papa! And now we're a broken family… _Because of her_!"

Truly, Sachiko was no longer thinking straight. Even if she were more mature as compared to the other kids, she was a still just a child, who didn't deserve this sadness that she currently wore. Her accusations that she made, were things said due to the tensed situation. She didn't mean it though, Eren knew, yet he couldn't help but feel a little mad at the thought that, his own daughter would accuse her mother, who had sacrificed everything for her, of such things. _Then again, she didn't know anything about her mother, so what was there to blame of her?_

Sachiko had felt self-hatred, at the theory that she, _herself_ , caused this broken family, she caused her death. But when Eren's silence continued, her mind wandered off, to other accusations that probably didn't make the slightest of sense. That's when she accused of her mother purposely leaving them for no reason other than her mother's own supposedly selfish hatred for them. She was just in denial, she didn't want to believe the person whom she had always secretly longed to see had died because of her. Even so, such accusations were just…

Just before Eren could respond with words that he would stutter out, Sachiko spoke words that seemed to have triggered something inside of Eren. _Words that hurt._

"I _hate_ Mama, then! I hate her… she left us alone… this… this is _all her fault!_ Everything… _everything_ was her fau —"

"SACHIKO! ENOUGH!" Eren yelled at her suddenly, causing the little girl's lips to zip up. To hear his own daughter, that Mikasa sacrificed her life for, say such things, had hurt the brunette deeply. And it triggered the suppressed anger, frustrations and all sorts of emotions in him to rise. He wasn't angered at her, rather than an angry outburst, it was just an emotional outburst for the brunette. He had hid himself for so long, and now, everything bottled and hidden was slipping out.

Bad habits of his began to rise, about to erupt. Bad habits that Eren thought he rid himself of, but instead they had laid secretly inside him, waiting to burst ever since _that_ tragic day. His bad habit of saying things, reckless things that he never meant, that he always regretted saying.

_And when it had erupt, he had said words that broke Sachiko completely._

"She _died_ giving birth to you! Don't ever say such things about her! Do you know how... how much she loved you?! You could never understa—"

Pausing at his words, in realization of what he had said, he immediately slapped his mouth shut. Looking up at Sachiko, he saw her expression, without having to tell, he knew her heart had just shattered, he could hear it, despite there being a long silence that filled the room, along with tension.

" _Sachiko..._ I...—" his tone was softer now, full of regret. He shouldn't had shouted at her like that… _so why?_ But even before he could complete his sentence, the six year old had taken a step back. _She was scared._ And that was something Eren never ever wanted her to feel, not around him… _and yet…_

" _Sachiko… wait._ I-I didn't mean to raise my voice _like that_..." Eren called out as he took a step closer to her, but that only made her take two more steps back. Eren had never raised his voice with her, and now that he had, now that she had seen him angered, _she was afraid._

" _Sachiko_ …" Eren called out again, reaching his hand out, about to pull her into an embrace, until she turned her body, and ran out in silence as tears continued streaming down her face.

He watched her run off, before collapsing onto the ground onto his knees. He felt so numb, so weak now. _'Why… did I do that?'_ Eren questioned quietly before punching the floor. It had hurt his fist, but he was too numb to feel such _'trivial'_ pain like that. It wasn't as painful as compared to what had hurt inside him.

 _He had done it this time._ The expression Sachiko made was anything but happy, obvious enough. Mikasa had wanted a happy life for her… and as of now that seemed impossible.

'Why did I yell at her like that... why... why am I so _fucking_ stupid?!' Eren cursed, as he looked up into the reflection of his mirror. He was crying, he didn't know when these tears had slipped out, but he had only realised them now.

It wasn't her fault, Eren knew. But to hear such false accusations… about Mikasa, had stirred something uneasy inside of him. For years, he bottled up many emotions, his tears, his rage… everything. And out of _all times_ , he lashed out at his daughter like that, letting all of them out. He had never hated himself so damn much.

It wasn't her fault for making accusations when she had been the one who was kept in the dark, about everything.

Eren resented his bad habit that rose up to the surface again, instead of relief, he felt worse after shouting like that, even though the bottle contained less emotions from the past, it was slowly filling up with the misery he currently felt, the regret, the guilt, everything.

' _I hate Mama, then.'_ Sachiko had said. Something about those words just… stirred up something in the brunette. _How could she hate her? How? Why? Those were the questions that circled Eren's foggy mind._

But now, he could see why she said that. After all, she knew, that Mikasa's absence was a reason for the brunette's sorrow that couldn't be hidden any longer. She didn't really liked anything sorrowful, was that why she had always been so optimistic? Was that why she always bottled her curiosity about her?

All in all, this _wasn't_ Sachiko's fault in the least. This was something, something Eren knew that was his fault entirely. Now, he just had to resolve it… he had to.

_He didn't want to lose his daughter._

"Mikasa… I'm sorry for yelling at her… I'm sorry. I'm sorry. I just… I didn't know what came over me…. If only I... I had been more open… If I didn't bottle things up… if I hadn't hide… if I hadn't put on a façade then maybe—"

Before Eren could complete his sentence, a certain sound had caught his attention that now concerned him. The sound of a door creaking open, and the sound didn't seem to be coming from the left where Sachiko's room was. And then, after a few seconds pondering in silence, he could oddly hear the rainwater and gusts of wind echoing from downstairs. Those sounds gave him a bad feeling, a terrible one.

" _Sachiko…?"_ He murmured as he sprinted out of his room, to see Sachiko's room door open. She _wasn't_ inside. _"Sachiko?!"_ Eren shouted for her, worry and anxiousness rising as he ran downstairs, and to his immediate shock that now paralyzed him with fear, the main door was open. And Sachiko's shoes weren't there.

Without a word, without anymore hesitance, Eren dashed out barefooted, in search of his daughter.

" _Sachiko!" He called out each and every step of the way, only to receive silence as his response._

* * *

 

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Please leave a comment!


	7. I Will Save You

**Disclaimer : I do not own Shingeki No Kyojin nor its characters.**

* * *

Without a word, without anymore hesitance, Eren dashed out barefooted, in search of his daughter.

" _Sachiko!" He called out each and every step of the way, only to receive silence as his response._

* * *

Sachiko had just ran out and away from home, with no hesitation, no second thoughts. And now, she was sitting down on a bench under a pavilion at the park where Eren had often taken her to play. Except, instead of playing in the park, the six year old was drowning in her own thoughts. Her body was still trembling and shaking, and it was not just because she was drenched in rainwater from head to toe. The truth that Eren had just informed her in such an impulsive way, had still frightened her till now. Never once had she seen her father that frustrated, it scared her.

The thought that her mother was dead because of _her_ , was now circulating in her mind non-stop. It was painful. The thought that _she_ was the one who caused her own father to be in such a sorrowful state had circulated in her mind repeatedly as well. That, was painful too. The thought that if _she hadn't been born_ , that _none of this_ would have happened, was circulating her mind too. That, _numbed her completely._

"Why was… I-I born…?" Sachiko had whispered quietly to herself, her dulled emerald orbs staring blankly at her quivering hands. A shiver had went down her spine at that question. The idea of never existing, had never crossed her mind, after all, she was just six years old. But now that, that idea had drifted into her unclear mind, she began to drift off to other unsettling thoughts.

' _Mama… and Papa… would've lived a happier life without me, wouldn't they...?'_

And at that assumption, tears began to spill even more as she started to realize how useless her existence was, at least in her eyes. And as more thoughts flowed in, her tears soon overflowed along with it as well.

* * *

" _Uncle Levi… why does Papa seem like he's hiding something sometimes?"_ Sachiko had asked Levi, quite a long time ago. A question in which had proven Levi's assumption that Sachiko was indeed as sharp as he assumed, and that the truth would not be able to be concealed for long.

"You'll know when you're all grown up, he will tell you by then. This is something not really meant for someone like me to tell." Levi had responded nonchalantly, whilst sipping his tea. Though unsatisfied with his given answer, Sachiko had puffed up her cheeks and started to persist him on telling her. It wasn't long until a sentence of hers had caught Levi's attention, "What if I grow up and he still hides?"

Levi had anticipated such an outcome—that Eren would never tell her anything at all about Mikasa, that he will _still_ hide away from the truth. Even though to Levi, it seemed out of the brunette's nature to do so, it was still a possibility. Not only that, but _death_ changes people. Levi knew that, all too well. Placing his cup of tea down, he glanced to his side. Eren had left Sachiko with Levi for a while since he had some errands to deal with regarding work. Even though it was just for an hour, the brunette seemed pretty reluctant to, having wanted to spend time with his daughter. Well, at least it reassured Levi that the brunette did indeed try his best to provide a loving environment for the girl. But given the fact Eren wouldn't be returning in an hour, Levi had the urge to tell Sachiko something, _something regarding Eren._ It wasn't anything that hugely hinted about the truth, but he felt it had to be said, so he did.

"Your father… never really liked to hide anything before, he was pretty much blunt and straightforward. But this time, it's different." Levi had stated vaguely as he looked towards Sachiko who looked a little confused at his words. " _What's different_?" She had asked, in which Levi responded indirectly, "Whatever your father chooses to hide, it's not because he doesn't trust you, he just loves you too much. Though, if he still hides when you're all grown up, I want you to find him, and tell him you're ready."

Even though Levi had probably prepared for such an outcome, he knew that if it came to that point, only Sachiko would be able to reach out to him. Letting out a sigh, he looked at the girl whose head now tilted sideways in slight confusion. "I don't really get it but...—"

"You don't have to understand it now. Oh also, your father has a shi— hot temper." Levi spoke, correcting himself quickly. He knew Mikasa would've probably lectured him for an hour if he ever dared cursed in front of the six year old. "He does?" Sachiko spoke, baffled at such a thought, after all, Eren had rarely ever gotten mad, especially in front of her. "He says things he doesn't mean sometimes… regardless of that, your father loves y—"

"I know." Sachiko responded quickly, a smile plastered on her expression suddenly. Raising a brow, Levi questioned, "How so?"

"Because…" She smiled softly, "Whenever Papa and I are having the greatest time, he smiles _so honestly_!"

"' _Honestly'_?"

"Yes! It's like he's… _actually_ really happy!"

Now silent, Levi reached out his hand to ruffle her hair slightly. "Uncle Levi…?" Sachiko called out, in which Levi didn't respond to.

 _How much had she noticed?_ She only had been on this planet for such a small amount of time as compared to himself, and yet she had eyes as sharp as an eagle's. She could differentiate what was genuine and what was not, at least with her father. And as much as he'd have liked to question her about whether if she had actually noticed the sorrowful expression Eren would've accidentally let out unknowingly, he didn't. He didn't want any more questions regarding such a matter, and most of all, he didn't want to end his hour with his niece in such a gloomy way. Hell, he didn't want another gloomy brat.

"Oi… Sachiko, want to go learn how to make tea?" Levi had asked, which she had excitedly nodded in agreement before suddenly asking, "How come you call Papa _brat_ sometimes, and not me? I know brat is a bad word but you make it sound like it isn't…?"

' _Your Mother would probably kick my ass in my sleep if I do…_ ' At that thought, he scoffed slightly, before responding, "Well, who knows? Besides… being called a brat isn't a good thing, don't make it sound like it is." Levi scoffed, clicking his tongue slightly as he walked off to the kitchen. Chuckling softly, Sachiko followed behind.

* * *

At that memory, Sachiko began to ponder if what Levi had said was true—that her father loves her, regardless of whatsoever.

" _Whatever your father chooses to hide, it's not because he doesn't trust you, he just loves you too much. Though, if he still hides when you're all grown up, I want you to find him, and tell him you're ready."_

Unfortunately, Sachiko didn't receive the time to grow up, to tell Eren that she was prepared of such a cruel truth. If only she had known of the cruelness and unfairness of the truth, she wouldn't have let curiosity overcome her, she wouldn't have been bothered by anything regarding her missing parent, her _incomplete_ family. Even so, she wondered if she would ever be ready for such a truth if it hadn't been revealed in such an impulsive and scary way.

" _P-Papa_ … I'm sorry for causing you… so… m-much sadness…" Sachiko sniffed, her body still trembling. Attempting to stand up, she only fell onto the ground, in tears. "I shouldn't even have been born…!" She sobbed loudly, that even her words were echoing along with the thunder. "Mama… _Mama_ … I'm _sorry_ for killing you. I'm _sorry_ for taking Papa away from you… I'm _sorry_ for being born… I'm _sorry… I'm sorry_... _I…_ "

Choking on her tears now, the girl rolled over on the pavilion's ground, to the side as she glanced up at the gloomy sky. " _Mama_ … I _want_ to meet you. I _want_ to hug you, I _want_ to talk to you…! But… but… I… Is that selfish o-of me, Mama? I killed you and yet I have such selfish wishes…is that wrong… _is that wrong, Mama?_ "

Unable to say anymore, she covered her sullen eyes with her arm. However, that wasn't enough to stop the tears that overflowed, in which spoke of her sorrow better than any other word could have.

* * *

"You know, Eren, her age isn't even double digits yet, and she's already that sharp." Armin had spoken, "She'll find out the truth pretty quickly if that's the case, I suggest that maybe you should—"

"You already know my answer, Armin." Eren sighed in exhaustion, as he glanced over to Sachiko who was busy playing with the blonde's kids. "Not now… I can't. She's _so_ young. You don't tell someone that young about something that tragic… it'll ruin her… it'll _break_ her."

"I know… but still." The blonde had sighed, "Still. For a child, she's pretty sharp and mature. I mean… for an example, from what you told me the other day, where she was watching some cartoon that had a mother in that family, you said she had a curious yet confused look… was it?" Armin had questioned softly, as Eren gave a silent nod. "Yeah but how does that relate to her being sharp?"

" _Think about it Eren, if she was supposedly confused and curious, why hadn't she asked you about the mother from the cartoon?"_

As that sentence escaped the blonde's mouth, Eren found himself silent, as an overwhelming fear had just clouded over him. The fear of the truth slipping out. And when Armin had sensed the atmosphere darkening, along with Eren's sudden worried expression, he quickly continued it with, "On another note… maybe she has a gift in being observant and sharp? Uh…like a gifted child or something…"

As the brunette listened to the blonde's failed attempt of changing the subject, he was quick to snap out of his gloomy state, "Well… gifted or not, that doesn't matter…I just want to give her happiness in life… That's why… I need time, for the truth to be revealed. Because if I were to tell her the truth now… she wouldn't be the same bubbly kid. She's still a developing child. What am I to do if she grows up hating herself because of what happened to Mikasa? I can't live with that. In the first place, Mikasa's death was never her fault… but would a child understand the slightest bit of that—that she isn't to blame? At least when she's older, she'll have a better understanding of how this cruel world works."

Armin listened to his words attentively, his ocean eyes softening as he noticed his childhood friend getting emotional, in a sorrowful way. It was a rare sight to see such a pained expression from him when growing up, normally such an expression would be mixed with anger… but not this one.

"I understand. But if the reason why she hadn't asked about that cartoon thing is because she has noticed _that_ side of you, _I suggest you be cautious on the path you're walking_. Also… if you're concerned that you aren't raising her right, that isn't the case. She's a nice and polite child who has a _capable_ father."

Scoffing and smiling slightly, Eren gave a small nod of thanks as he spoke, "Thank you, Armin."

"No problem… just remember, I'm here for you if the path that you walk ever gets too rocky."

* * *

' _Ah… why am I remembering that now?'_ The brunette thought silently, as he continued running, and running on the painful path he was on, searching and searching ever so desperately for any signs of his daughter while screaming her name. By then, his barefoot feet that he ran on already had sustained some scratches or mini wounds, but he was too focused on other matters to even notice.

"Sachiko… _Sachiko Jaeger!_ " He screeched at the top of his lungs, whilst choking on his tears.

' _If you're concerned that you aren't raising her right, that isn't the case. She's a nice and polite child who has a capable father'_

' _Capable..? Hah, I'm anything but capable.'_ The brunette thought silently as he made a turn, running about in search of Sachiko.

Armin had been wrong about that, but he was right about one thing— that Sachiko would've been able to find about the truth quickly.

Eren had always been ignoring that theory, that possibility of her finding out. He had thought if he kept hiding, the truth wouldn't slip out until she was ready. _Oh, how wrong he had been._ There was always something deep inside telling Eren that, that possibility had a high chance of happening… but choosing the path of denial, he had ignored it… and now, that choice had snowballed into something so disastrous.

_Now, it was too late to change anything. But, was it too late to fix everything?_

_In the first place, would he even be able to find Sachiko?_

His heart raced with worry, it was raining, she must've caught a cold or something… she must be shivering so damn much. What if she had passed out? What if some evil force had just taken her far away? What if he would never be able to find her? What if it was _too late_ — that the cruel world would once _again_ , take someone he loved so dearly away?

" _Please… don't take her away from me."_ Eren whispered ever so softly, whether it was directed at the world or some unknown force, he just didn't want anything or anyone interfering.

Catching sight of the park, he ran towards it as he started to scream her name in anxiety, hoping he'd receive a response… any response.

" _Sachiko! Sachiko!" He screamed._

And finally, his screams reached a little girl. Jolting up as she heard his response, she weakly stood up and looked out of the pavilion, to see her father searching for her desperately.

Normally, she would have ran into his arms immediately, like how she would when playing hide and seek. But… something whispered softly into her ear _not_ to do so, and that she should hide, she should disappear forever, so that the source of Eren's sorrowfulness would be gone with her. The voices in her head only got louder, it got scarier.

As she watched her father running around with a worried expression, her eyes only watered more. Had she caused more worry for him? Had she caused trouble for him?

She didn't want that, ever. She never wanted to be his or anyone's source of pain... and yet… _and yet_ , here she was, watching her father having a worrisome expression on, scurrying around in the rain…. All because of her.

" _Stop it, Papa…stop it…_ " She whispered softly, as her body shook more. But unfortunately, he didn't.

A flash of lightning tore through the sky, followed by the thunders. And in that flash of lightning, a new fear of her father getting hurt physically rose. It was enough she had caused him emotional pain, but to cause him injuries… she didn't want that. As another flash of lightning struck by, an image of Eren getting struck by it had shot through her brain.

In that instant, her tearful eyes widened, and without any second thoughts, at the top of her lungs, she screamed.

" _STOP IT!"_

And in that same instant, the brunette turned towards the voice that echoed the area, to see Sachiko. The father-daughter made a second worth of eye contact, and as fast as that flash of lightning, Eren raced towards her.

Unexpectedly to Eren's concerns, Sachiko sprinted off as well. She didn't want to be caught, she didn't want to be some sort of reminder of her mother's death— _of her father's loved one's death_. She knew how painful death can be, she was experiencing that now. The pain of guilt had shattered her heart, it had caused her insides to feel uneasy. Not only that, but it fogged up her mind—her ability to think and see clearly.

" _Sachiko… Wait!"_ Eren screeched, closing his distance between him and her, but she didn't stop running.

She didn't know where the hell she was running, but she ran. Her mind was so fogged up, she didn't even know what was ahead of her.

" _Sachiko! Stop! …Sachiko!"_

She didn't stop, and before she knew it, she was running across a road.

" _SACHIKO! WATCH OUT!"_

The sudden raised voice that Eren had, had caused her to finally stop in her tracks… unfortunately, it wasn't the best timing. Turning around, she noticed a truck driving towards her, and with its high speed, it wouldn't be able to brake in time. Not only that, but the driver didn't seem to have even noticed the girl who was now frozen in the middle of the danger zone. However, there was still time for her to get out of the road… _but she didn't._

The idea of death had been so new in her mind, and yet it managed to break her completely, so easily, it managed to fill her up with such pain so quickly. _It gave her new dark thoughts._

" _SACHIKO?! WHAT ARE YOU DOING?! GET OUT OF THE ROAD!"_ Eren screeched, but she didn't run, and Eren wasn't sure if he would be able to make it in time.

The brunette had no idea what was going on in the six year old's mind, but whatever it was, it caused his gut to twist so much in pain, in pain to see his own daughter like this. And the thought that he wouldn't even be able to be there to have a chance to fix everything, to help her, to hug her, to tell her everything was okay, that it wasn't her fault and that it was never her fault, had came across his mind unsettlingly. All his life, he wanted to give her the happiest life he ever could, but now, he wasn't sure if he could even save her life.

' _Mikasa... Mikasa, please. Please help me save her… please help her. Please... please give me your strength. Please save her.'_

With the truck only a small amount of metres away, Eren ran as if his own life depended on it.

Ah, how he wished to have been able to live a little longer with his daughter, because now, at this rate, in this cruel twisted world, he wasn't sure if he was going to be able to be by her side anymore.

Reaching the road, he ran towards Sachiko with the goal of saving her, to push her out of the way.

_Now, was that goal able to be achieved? Or had it been too late for Sachiko? Or too late for Eren? …or had it been too late for the both of them?_

_Ah, will the beauty in this cold, cruel world ever show?_

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> please leave a comment/review!


	8. Healing

** Disclaimer : I do not own Shingeki No Kyojin / Attack On Titan nor its characters. **

* * *

Reaching the road, he ran towards Sachiko with the goal of saving her, to push her out of the way.

_Now, was that goal able to be achieved? Or had it been too late for Sachiko? Or too late for Eren? …or had it been too late for the both of them?_

_Ah, will the beauty in this cold, cruel world ever show?_

* * *

When Sachiko was running, she had absolutely no idea where she was running to. She would've ran back to the safety of her home, but would she have one anymore? Even though she knew her father was a kind person at heart, was he kind enough to let her stay any longer? When she had caused his wife's death? She knew these questions were foolish to ask, but the doubt and guilt that weighed heavily on her shoulders told her otherwise.

The expression when Eren had shouted those cruel words that reflected the truthful reason as to why she didn't have a mother, was mostly filled with pain. And to Sachiko, she felt that she was the one who caused _this pain_ , _his hidden_ _pain_ that was now clearly exposed. And given the fact she had noticed Eren's sorrow long back ago, it only made her feel worse. _How long had she caused this sadness to her father?_

As those negative thoughts went on, Sachiko not only felt sick to the stomach, but she felt a little dizzy. She wasn't sure if it was due to the rain or due to the storm that raged inside her fragile heart—that was already in shattered and scattered pieces. She was afraid to pick those pieces up, she wasn't sure if she had the right to even do so— _to feel okay._

But with her light headedness, it made running harder, and it caused her vision to blur slightly. Running and running, she came to a halt at the brunette's sudden increase in panicked tone voice, turning around slightly, she had noticed a truck driving towards her, and it seemed the driver hadn't notice the little girl's presence.

Another scream ripped out from the brunette, telling her to get out, to save herself. But, she didn't move. She stood there, frozen, staring blankly at the oncoming vehicle. One single dark thought went through her mind—that she deserved what was coming for her, _death_. Being too young to understand or control such excruciating emotions that had burst out after the truth had been revealed, she had only assumed that the fate that waited before her was only right, and that was the only way for her to atone her mistake. _She was the mistake_ , she had thought. _'If only I hadn't been born… papa and mama would have a happy life…'_

' _I killed Mama… and now... this is only right…'_ she had thought, tears still streaming out her eyes. She didn't want to die, a part of her wanted to live with her father normally, and act as if the truth was still in hiding. But, the other part of her didn't want to live on with such burdening and painful emotions, she didn't want to live on carrying this guilt—that she had killed her mother, the person whom she had secretly longed to see.

Suddenly recalling a story her teacher had told her about a completed family, she started to realize how twisted the world was, how unfair it actually was. That completed family could've been her life, but the world didn't allow it—that's why her mother wasn't in the world anymore. "The world is a _cruel_ place…" She murmured softly, closing her eyes slowly as she felt the truck coming closer. Everything was silent by then, she couldn't even hear Eren's screams anymore. And then, she recalled certain memories where she had joyous times with her father, with her family—family that didn't have to be directly blood related, like Armin. "… but the world can be _beautiful_ sometimes." She murmured. _Ah, happy times._ Had all of them known the truth as well? Why had they still been so nice and welcoming to her? Why had Eren still welcomed her with loving arms? Was she able to return to such happy times ever again? _Would it ever be the same again?_

Sachiko didn't know the answer to any of those questions that began to cloud her already foggy mind. Though, a sudden feeling of conflict had overcame her. She wasn't sure if she was ready to leave the world, at the same time she wasn't sure if she could stay in this world any longer. Her broken heart ached with pain, not just because of the conflict… but the pain of leaving everything she loved behind. Was this what her mother had felt when she was doomed to her cruel fate?

Her eyes still closed, she finally took a deep breath as she heard the truck's engine sound growing louder, it was too late to escape, she had thought. 'I didn't even get to say goodbye to Papa… _Papa…_ '

" _Papa… I'm sorry."_ She mumbled. And as she did, she felt a familiar pair of warm arms pressed onto her back. Opening eyes, her emerald orbs widened in shock at the sight before her—it was Eren, her father. He was putting his life on the line for her. _'W-Why..?'_ Sachiko thought silently as her whole body began to shiver non-stop.

Once Eren had his arms pressed onto Sachiko's back, with whatever strength he had left. He pushed Sachiko out of the way successfully, and now he closed his emerald orbs as he braced for the bone-crushing impact. Except, the impact _never_ came. Opening his eyes slightly, the truck's driver had pressed on the emergency brakes on time once he had noticed the brunette suddenly dashing across the road to save his daughter. Though instead of looking relieved that he hadn't hit the two Jaegers, he had a pissed off expression on his face as he started yelling out violent, threatening curse words directed at the two. Eren didn't seem to focus on that, in fact whatever he was shouting was totally inaudible to Eren at that point, his focus was now on Sachiko, who laid motionlessly on the ground, not moving a muscle.

 _Had he pushed her too hard?_ Worry started to fill the brunette as he rushed to her side, turning her around as he pressed his ear onto her chest, searching for a heartbeat, which he found. At first he was relieved, but then, he wasn't sure if it was the stress that caused him to think so but her heart rate seemed to be slower, not only that but blood was oozing out of her arm that had been scraped on the impact of falling onto the ground after Eren's push. _But she was alive, she was still breathing._ At that thought, Eren began to tear up. However, without any hesitation, he started to search his pockets for his phone to dial for an ambulance, which unfortunately wasn't there. He had begun to panic, until he heard a familiar voice.

" _Eren?"_

Looking up, it was Armin. And without a moment to lose, he shouted, " _Call the ambulance!_ _Now! Quickly!_ " Without any questions, Armin took out his phone and immediately called for the ambulance. Having just glanced at the unconscious Sachiko, his heart was filled with worry… but definitely, not as much as the brunette whose body began to shake, his tears raining down heavier than the rain itself.

* * *

Once they had reached the hospital, Sachiko, who was still unconscious, was sent to an emergency room to get checked on. Eren wasn't allowed to follow.

"Sachiko! Let me fucking see my daughter I swear—"

"Calm down sir, she will be fine. We just need to check if there's any severe injuries or internal bleeding just in case she—"

"How can I fucking calm down?! I said I want to see—"

" _Eren!"_ Armin screeched, holding him back. "Sachiko will be fine, she's with trained professionals." Armin assured, as he signalled the nurse to leave, which she did, not wanting to get yelled at the brunette who clearly looked like he wanted a fight.

After calming the brunette down, Eren began to explain what happened, and as he did, his body couldn't stop shaking in worry—either that or it was his soaked clothes that caused his shivers. Armin sighed quietly as he heard what had happened, "Let's just… not talk about it for now." Armin started off. Of course, he did have many, _many_ things to say to him. Like how foolish he was to have said such things to Sachiko in an angered way. But, he was sensitive enough to know Eren had enough guilt on his plate.

"You should go get changed… luckily for you, they have a laundry dryer and washing machines at the third level, and some extra set of clothes that you can ask for at the counter." And before Eren could refuse, and say he couldn't care less about getting a cold, Armin had pestered him more, in a more stern tone until he gave in and went to do so. Armin, on the other hand, had texted Annie he wouldn't be back early due to what had happened, he then went on to text Levi about the situation, who had responded in an instant he was coming.

After everything was settled, Armin and Eren had entered Sachiko's room, to only see her still unconscious.

"She is expected to wake up soon, there is no severe injuries other than some bleeding wounds that we bandaged. Considering with the information you've given us, she probably passed out from exhaustion or stress. If she doesn't wake up, please alert a doctor as it may be something more serious." With that, the doctor left, seeing that Eren nor Armin had nothing to ask about.

"She probably fainted from the overwhelming emotions she felt, I'm sure there is nothing physically wrong with her." Armin spoke, attempting at reassuring Eren who sat on a chair next to her after placing his more or less dried clothes aside, whose expression was still full of worry and guilt. But more than that, he seemed exhausted. "Why don't you take a nap? I'll stay here. If she wakes up I'll wake you too." At his words, Eren shook his head, refusing his offer. Though after an hour or so, even exhaustion had gotten the best of him, the tiredness of having ran all around the place, of chasing and most of all, the emotional exhaustion was too much for him, and he fell sleep. Armin sighed, shaking his head as he pulled a chair over and sat next to Sachiko, watching over her quietly.

" _Is she okay?"_ a sudden voice echoed through the room. Turning his head, Armin saw the other Ackerman with a frantic expression, such an expression was rare. But then again, who wouldn't be worried for Sachiko?

"She's expected to wake up 'soon'" Armin groaned quietly, frustrated at himself who he wished had asked the doctor to specify on _'soon'_.

"Ah… I see." He mumbled quietly, as he leaned against a wall after entering. "The brat's sleeping?"

"He passed out from exhaustion." Armin sighed. "I see." Levi responded quietly.

There was silence for a while, till Levi broke it. "This was the last thing I expected from happening when the truth would come out, to be frank it's shitty." He grumbled as he walked over to Sachiko, grabbing her hand gently. "I know she'll wake up soon, she has Mikasa's strength, and she's a part of the Ackerman family as well. She's a strong girl."

"She's what we all have left of Mikasa…" Armin had murmured, Levi glancing over to him. "That is true. But we mustn't forget that she _isn't_ Mikasa. She's a fragment of her, but Sachiko is Sachiko." Levi stated plainly.

"I know that of course, I don't just love Sachiko because she's what I have left of my childhood friend, Mikasa, Sachiko's like family to me for more reasons than just that. The same goes for you, I assume?" Armin had asked, Levi giving a nod. "For the brat as well." Levi mumbled as he took a glance over Eren before his focus went back to Sachiko. "Did she really… not move when the truck was driving towards her?" Levi asked quietly as Armin gave a nod, "At least, that's what Eren said." Biting his lip, Levi whispered softly, "Sachiko… if _only_ you knew how much Mikasa loved you, even before you were b—"

Before Levi could continue on with his conversation, he felt Sachiko's hand moving slightly. His eyes widening, his eyes focused completely on Sachiko, whose eyes began to struggle to open. And within a moment, they were wide open, confused at the ceiling light which she stared at a little.

Slowly and carefully, the little girl had sat up tiredly as she looked around at her surroundings, before her gaze fell upon the blonde and the raven, "Where… am I?" Sachiko muttered out in an exhausted way. "You're in the hospital…" The blonde finally spoke, a few tears clouding in his eyes, though he was relieved to see that she was okay. "Do you remember what happened?" He added, having hoped she didn't somehow suffer from any sort of memory loss.

Sachiko had remained quiet for a while, though once her eyes widened a little more, and her body began to shake again, the two knew she recalled the incident earlier. Gripping her hand tighter in comfort, Levi had pulled her into a gentle embrace—something that even caught the blonde with surprise. But Levi knew she needed comfort, and despite him knowing he wasn't good with hugs, he gave her one anyway, which had soothed her a little. "It's over now. Don't think about it. Your father's safe as well, he's taking a nap over there." Levi muttered in an reassuring manner before pulling away, as he motioned to Sachiko's left, in which she saw her father resting, seeming okay—which relieved her.

There was silence for a while, Sachiko didn't know what else to say. Though, it was clear in her emerald orbs she wanted to talk to Eren, at the same time, she didn't. She was a little afraid, to say the least. "Sachiko… none of this was your fault." Armin started, which Sachiko looked towards him blankly, as if her life had been sucked out of her. "The coconut is right." Levi scoffed as Armin rolled his eyes at Levi's lame attempt at humour. "Sachiko, Mikasa loved you a lot—"

" _Mikasa..?"_

" _That's your mother's name."_ Levi responded, causing Sachiko to flinch a little. The topic of her mother seemed a very sensitive topic, and despite Armin's nudges for him to stop talking about such, Levi continued. "She loved you so much, she gave you your name— _Sachiko_ —, which means happiness. _She wanted happiness for you, Sachiko._ " Sachiko continued to remain silent, as she pondered on if she could even regain the slightest bit of happiness.

" _She loved you so much, she gave you life." Levi had spoken out suddenly._

At those very few words, it caused Sachiko to freeze completely. "Oi, Levi—!" Armin spoke in a slight frustrated manner, though he was cut off by Sachiko quickly, "But she _died_ because of _that_ …" She murmured, as tears started to stream down her eyes again.

"Although she may no longer be with us here physically…" Levi started quietly, as he reached out to stroke her hair gently, "But…" He murmured, as his hand gripped her hand gently and placed it on her chest, where her heart was beating. " _She'll always be in there, in your heart._ "

Sachiko remained silent for a while, tears still rolling down her cheeks. _In her heart..? But it was broken_ , she had thought.

"I think what Levi is trying to say is that your mother will always be there for you, even if you cannot see her. You see… your mother really did love you a lot, Sachiko. Don't ever doubt that." Armin spoke, yet there was no response from Sachiko. "I'm not good at these sort of things, plus I don't think we are supposed to be telling you this." Levi spoke suddenly as he glanced over to the brunette. Armin sighed quietly, understanding the signal, he stood up, "He's right." Armin agreed, and the two were about to leave the room until Sachiko called for them to stop, "Wait…!"

She didn't want them to leave yet, because she knew once they left, she would be alone with her father, who she was sure had a lot of things to say, a lot of things she didn't want to hear but knew it was inevitable. It wasn't that she didn't fully wanted to hear it, she just didn't want him to sound so frustrated like that, like when he shouted at her about the truth.

"What is it?" Armin asked.

"T-Thank you… I sort of understand _but_ I also don't… b-but—"

"Sachiko, it's okay." Levi spoke, reassuring her again. "I know you have many questions, many things to say as well. But tell them to your father, he has answers that even Armin and I don't have. He has words that Armin and I are unable to convey out to you. _He's your father, you're his daughter_."

"B-But—"

"Sachiko, it'll be okay." Armin and Levi had spoken in sync, both of their tone being soothing, as they left the room. Levi had especially closed the door loud enough to wake the brunette, which it did.

' _She loved you so much, she gave you life.' Ah, those words carried so much meaning, Sachiko knew._

Levi had always been blunt and straightforward, Sachiko knew. She also knew that Levi wasn't the best at comforting, at least that's what Eren told her once. But those words were probably _too_ straightforward for Sachiko to comprehend in such a fragile state, but it struck something inside of her. Had her mother really loved her that much? What was love anyway— to feel loved, how did that feel again?

Thinking about it now, her mother could've gotten rid of her to save herself, so why didn't she? Why'd she sacrifice herself for her—for her daughter whom she never had the chance to raise? _Moreover, that life she had given her… she nearly threw it away, just like that._

At that thought, she felt a shiver going down her spine, but her growing curiosity had managed to push thoughts like that away, for now.

As these new questions popped in her brain, she glanced over to her father who slowly woke up, looking around the room before his eyes fixated on Sachiko, on his daughter who was awake, who was alive. At first he was speechless, he was so relieved. Rushing to her side, his arms embraced Sachiko tightly. The hug Eren gave was different from Levi, it felt _so much_ warmer… was this what it felt like to be loved?

"You're okay… _you're okay…!_ " Eren spoke softly tears rolling down his cheek a little. Sachiko's arms reached out to wrap around Eren a little, "Papa… _Papa…?_ " she called out weakly.

Eren pulled away a little, wondering if he squeezed her too tight, but before he could ask if he had done so, Sachiko spoke, _"Did Mama… really love me?"_

As Eren heard those words, his eyes softened. And given the fact Levi and Armin weren't in the room anymore, he had a feeling that they had said some things to her before leaving the two Jaegers to have a heart-to-heart conversation. And this time, Eren wasn't scared anymore, he didn't want to run away. Now that the truth was out, now that he had a second chance, he wanted to make things right, he wanted to explain things right.

Sachiko on the other hand, having seen Eren's softened look had felt even more reassured—she felt safe, she felt it was okay to ask the questions that have been buried in her mind for such a long time. She wasn't afraid anymore.

" _Well… where do I even start?" Eren smiled a little._


	9. Reminisce and Confrontation

** Disclaimer : I do not own Shingeki No Kyojin / Attack On Titan nor its characters. **

* * *

" _Well… where do I even start?" Eren smiled a little._

_And that was when the story began._

* * *

Before Eren knew it, he was basically pouring out every single humorous and touching moments and memories that had happened during Mikasa's pregnancy, in hopes of proving his daughter that Mikasa had indeed loved her—in hopes of her knowing that she was never a mistake, to know that she wasn't a burden or a pain, to know that she is worthy to live this life.

He had told her, that the day when the couple had found out that they'll soon be parents had simply excited them. Ever since that day of wonderful discovery, Mikasa and Eren had been going around, asking for advice. Though, Mikasa had done a little extra more despite it just being the few weeks of her pregnancy, such as purchasing books on how to care for a baby. Eren had told her it wasn't necessary, that they could've just searched it online. But Mikasa being herself, she insisted that it was necessary, wanting the best for her child—their child. Not only that but, a few months into the pregnancy Mikasa had already started planning for the theme of the baby's room, despite the fact that the two had agreed that the baby's bed would be in their room for convenience. When Eren had asked about it, Mikasa had said it was for when their child would be old enough to have her or his own room. _How ahead was she exactly thinking?_ Eren didn't know, nor did he decide to question it. Just seeing Mikasa excited for the baby was enough to shut him up on his complaints about Mikasa being _'a little'_ too ahead of time.

"There was this one time where we went shopping for baby stuff. We had planned to just buy milk bottles… we came out with way more than that." Eren laughed a little, as he looked down at his hands that were fiddling with one another. "The extra things we bought was all due to your mother's insistence, like magazines about dieting. She wanted to eat healthier, which was ridiculous—your mother already had a healthy enough diet." Eren chuckled slightly.

"Because of that, she didn't really give in to her cravings. Oh, but there was this one time where we went to the grocery store to buy food, I caught her eying at ice cream for a long time and when I asked her about it, she grudgingly and admitted she had been craving watermelon and cheese ice-cream… weird, right?" Eren laughed, "Regardless of that, she didn't give in to her cravings much. She ate so much healthier… maybe this is why you turned out so strong." Eren had smiled, searching for more things to say.

He then recalled that the two had made another trip to the mall to shop for some pregnancy clothes since Mikasa's bump was slowly becoming a little more obvious. It was due to Eren's persistence for her to get appropriate clothes. He wanted her to feel comfortable, and had mentioned something along the lines of, _'tight clothes squishing the baby'._ Mikasa, though having many questions about that peculiar statement, went along with it, considering Eren had been pestering her in a worried matter about that for a few days non-stop.

"Eren, I think this is a too baggy for me." Mikasa spoke, holding up the shirt Eren had tossed to her and had asked her to try it on—which she didn't, it was obvious to her that it probably would slip down her shoulders or act like a mini dress instead of a shirt. She didn't want to wear such clothes in public, knowing it would just attract unwanted attention. "I don't know what you're talking about." Eren spoke, clueless, as he searched for more baggy clothes. Mikasa sighed, shaking her head as she was about to place the shirt back, but had accidentally dropped it. Just before she could've bent down and pick it up, Eren had turned, eyes widening, as he rushed over to her and stop her from doing so. "Woah, woah, woah! You are not bending down." Eren spoke, which Mikasa frowned at, "Why not?"

"It will affect the baby… like the baby may feel dizzy if you do..."

"Eren- how does that even work—look, I've already told you it doesn't strain me—"

"Yeah but… I don't know but it might affect it."

_"Eren—"_

"Actually, you know what? Let's just go home and end our trip here. You must be tired. We got enough baggy clothes anyway."

"Eren—" Mikasa had cut herself off when she noticed Eren's pleading look, which clearly expressed his over-concern for her— _for both of them, her and the baby._ Eren being this overly-concerned and well, protective was rare and unusual for the brunette, but it was understandable. How the tables have turned, Mikasa thought.

Though, Mikasa had a major amount of questions to ask, such as how bending down would affect the baby considering from what she read, wasn't exactly the case. She had told Eren on several occasions that as long as she felt uncomfortable, uneasy or unwell when doing so, she wouldn't bend down since she didn't want to strain herself. But she had also told him she was able to still do some physical things, like bending down, considering she felt not much of a strain, since it was still more or less the early months of her pregnancy.

Mikasa had recalled just then, on a different day, when she was carrying the two cushions on the couch, wanting to bring it upstairs to her room, she had felt the need for more pillows. When Eren saw her carrying them up, he had told Mikasa not to strain herself by carrying those cushions—which were light as a feather—before snatching them away as he carried it to their room, whilst helping Mikasa up the few steps. It was clear Eren had been overreacting way too much—his overreaction phase had started a few weeks after the revelation of her pregnancy. Mikasa didn't mind it at first, she wouldn't say anything about it considering she had understood the brunette's reason for worry. But when his assumptions became ridiculous like the two cushion case, where he called those pillows, _'heavy'_ , she had to often remind or rather, nag at him that she was still able to take care of herself and that he was worrying too much.

Mikasa now wondered how these crazy assumptions did come to exist, was it just a _'father thing'_? Sighing, she wore a smile that clearly had the, _'what am I going to do with you?'_ sort of teasing look. "Alright, alright." Mikasa finally complied, as her hand reached out, gripping his before her fingers laced with his gently "But when we go home, I want you to rest too." Mikasa spoke softly.

With a smile of relief, Eren had gave a nod with a smile as his fingers laced with hers as well. The warmth of her touch seemed to have soothe his worries away, for that moment.

Eren had told Sachiko this, he wondered what expression she was making. Had she thought her father was acting silly back then? Well, Mikasa obviously did. He had been too focused fiddling with his hands to look up. He then recalled the warmth he felt whenever he felt Mikasa's hand touching his—her touch. Before he knew it, his focus went towards the wedding ring he still wore till today. When his focus went towards the ring, he felt a certain ache in his heart which he pushed away for now.

"You know, your mother could never stop talking about you… _'This child will grow up to do amazing things',_ was what she kept saying. You weren't even born yet and she already said these things… _'I love this baby already, it makes me so happy.'_ was another thing she had said before—"

"But this was all _before_ she knew she was going to die because of me!" Sachiko had finally spoke, in a pained way. When Eren had finally looked up, the pain that resonated in her voice was also shown on her expression. "She didn't know she was—"

" _She did, kind of._ " Eren had cut her off, his eyes softening at Sachiko. The tone he used now was much calmer than before, he didn't want to startle her again. He wanted her to feel safe, to feel reassured. "She had a feeling it would happen, but when we went to the doctor a few days before her due date, they said there was nothing wrong. So, she told _no one_ about the vision she saw in her dreams." Eren added in a sullen tone, "But... regardless of her knowing or not, one of the final words she spoke before she left the world was, _'Eren…and my lovely daughter…I love you two…'_ " Eren had spoken, as he started to tear up unknowingly.

The thought that he would no longer hear Mikasa's voice again had suddenly dawned upon him. The realization that the stories of him and Mikasa which he told to Sachiko would never be able continue had just came to him. He already knew Mikasa wouldn't be able to come back so many times, but as these sudden thoughts came in, it just ached him completely. Mikasa could _only_ live in his heart and memory, but not with him physically. All these sudden thoughts just crashed into his mind as if he just realized them for the first time. And because of that, he started to cry.

"I-If… she had more time, she would have said so much more, she would've… she would've said so many things." Eren spoke, trying his best to keep his tone steady while fighting through his tears—he didn't want to break down _completely_ yet.

Sachiko remained silent as she listened to Eren's words which attempted to convince her that her mother did love her, that she deserved to live. When she had noticed Eren's sudden tears, she suddenly felt so… _sad_. She didn't know why, she didn't know how to describe this sort of feeling. _Just like laughter, it seemed sadness and crying were contagious as well._ And before she knew it, she was crying along with her father.

"I asked your mother countless of times _, 'do you think I'll be a good father?'_ She said yes, that I would. I believed her, because she wouldn't lie about that. I was reassured that she thought so and I was reassured at least she'll be there to help me raise you..." Eren spoke suddenly, the atmosphere seemed to have darkened a little as the conversation went to a gloomy route when Eren had brought up such a topic. "So… when she passed away, I wasn't sure if I would be able to be a good father… _But_ , she told me to take care of you, so I did her that final wish. Of course, that wasn't the _only_ reason I wanted to take care of you. You are _our_ daughter— _my_ daughter after all… Levi had told me that if I couldn't raise you well, he would take over. I… _couldn't_ let that happen. I wasn't able to let go of you. From the moment you came out from your mother's stomach, I knew I wouldn't be able to be separated from you, I couldn't bear the thought of losing you..." Eren spoke, as he tried his best to find words that would convey how he felt whilst fighting through his tears. All these years he had been hiding his emotions, he didn't want to hide them anymore. It would do no good.

Eren voice had went soft now, _pained and sorrowful,_ "Till now… I still wonder if I was actually a good father… haha… _probably not_. After all… I've hurt you so much without realizing, and now look where we are—"

"That's _not_ true!" Sachiko exclaimed suddenly, causing Eren to be slightly startled at her raised tone.

"Sachiko—"

"You're the _best_ Papa I could ever ask for!" She sobbed, her body began to shake. " _I…I'm the worst daughter._ Even if Mama loved me…I _still_ took away her life." She cried. Eren remained silent, knowing she had more to vent out. "I… she gave me life, and _I_ nearly threw it away! _I... I don't deserve this life…_ "

"Why is that…?" Eren asked quietly, referring to her last statement. He had already known the answer, he wanted to make sure.

"Because it's _my_ fault that Mama died… _I took Mama away from Papa!_ " She cried out.

"That's _not_ true." Eren spoke softly, "It's not your fault. It was never your fault, because that was unavoidable… _this wasn't your doing, it wasn't your choice."_

"I…I..."Those words seemed to have struck something in Sachiko. _Choice? That's right, she didn't have an option of letting her mother live instead. She didn't have that particular choice._ Now, she realized that. But regardless, she still felt so… _guilty._

" _Sachiko…_ " Eren spoke softly as he pulled her into a gentle hug. "Mikasa nor you had a choice during then—whether who lived or not. I know if Mikasa had a choice, she would save you anyway. Because she loved you Sachiko, so much." Eren spoke softly, reminding her of her mother's love. "I can tell you a hundred times that she loved you, but that wouldn't be enough to express the love she had for you… Before you were born, she was so excited and happy, she already was planning way too ahead of time. She kept telling me to stop overreacting and worrying… yet ironically, she still worried in her own way—because she wanted you to come out as a strong and healthy baby. When you came out of her stomach… even though she knew then she wouldn't be able to live for long, her eyes were only filled with love when she saw you, she was still happy— _so happy_ that you came out healthy and strong like she hoped for… Mikasa…she… _your mother_ , _she loved you so much…she loved you till the end, Sachiko. You have nothing to feel guilty about._ "

Sachiko remained quiet again, she was speechless. The way Eren made it sound like was as if Mikasa did indeed, genuinely love her. There was nothing but truth and love that she picked up from his tone. But despite some of her doubts being reassured, questions remained, and without knowing, she blurted them out.

" _D-Do… I really deserve this love—her love? Do I… deserve this life that she gave…?_ " Sachiko muttered out, stuttering slightly as if she were afraid of the answer, hesitant to accept such things.

Eren had pulled her even more closely when she had said that, unhesitatingly, he spoke, "Yes. You deserve them both. Because you've done _nothing_ wrong, and that… _this love and life_ , was what your mother gave you out of her own will…" As she heard those words, her body began to relax and had stopped its shaking. In an instant, she melted into Eren's warm and loving arms.

Sachiko remained silent as well, glancing off for a moment as she recalled the stories Eren had just told her, her mother did indeed seemed very excited about her, she did indeed seemed like she loved her. " _Mama…so she really did love me…?_ " Sachiko uttered, as she recalled the things Eren had said about her—how she cared for Sachiko, how she loved her till the end.

Slowly pulling away, the little girl's orbs met a pair of similar teary eyed emeralds. " _Yes, yes she did._ "

There was another moment of silence, except it felt less tensed as compared to the previous ones. The two found comfort in that silence, considering _almost_ everything had been settled. Though, that silence was soon broken.

"Do you feel better now?" Eren had asked her suddenly, Sachiko gave a nod, about to question why he had asked such an abrupt question, but before she could, Eren continued, " _Do you want to visit Mama…?_ "

Sachiko's eyes widened as she heard those words. Now wiping her eyes, she wore a genuine smile, an excited one.

" _Yes… I want to see her."_


	10. The Love Of A Family

D **isclaimer: I do not own Shingeki No Kyojin / Attack On Titan nor its characters**

* * *

_There was another moment of silence, except it felt less tensed as compared to the previous ones. The two found comfort in that silence, considering_ _almost_ _everything had been settled. Though, that silence was soon broken._

_"Do you feel better now?" Eren had asked her suddenly, Sachiko gave a nod, about to question why he had asked such an abrupt question, but before she could, Eren continued, "_ _Do you want to visit Mama…?_ _"_

_Sachiko's eyes widened as she heard those words. Now wiping her eyes, she wore a genuine smile, an excited one._

" _Yes… I want to see her."_

_With that, the two Jaegers left, to visit Mikasa._

* * *

"Levi, did you see that?" Armin asked as he gave Levi a nudge on the shoulder. "What?" Levi sighed. The two had just left the hospital, walking towards their own cars in the carpark area, about to make their way home until something caught the blonde's eye.

"I think I just saw Sachiko and Eren leaving the hospital…where do you think they're going? Isn't it a little too early for her to be discharged?" Armin frowned slightly, "I'll go see if—"

 _"Don't."_ Levi spoke sharply, his grey orbs glancing towards the blonde, before darting elsewhere. "Don't chase after them."

"Eh? Why is that?"

"If they're suddenly leaving the hospital after _that mess_ , I can only assume they're visiting a certain someone." Levi spoke, a bit vaguely, his eyes darting back towards the blonde. _"You get it, don't you?"_

It didn't take long for the blonde to understand his statement. Letting out a sigh, the blonde glanced back to the direction where he saw the two Jaegers. "It's already time for that visit? Especially after _that mess?_ "

"I suppose so." Levi scoffed slightly, "Though, it's about time, don't you think?"

* * *

Before the two Jaegers knew it, they had reached the cemetery, or rather the entrance of it. At first, Eren seemed rather hesitant to even take a step inside. It wasn't because of the fact he feared to become an emotional mess or whatsoever, it was more of he feared the fact that he may not know what to do if Sachiko were to be that emotional mess instead. After all, it was Sachiko's first visit to see her mother.

At that thought, the brunette glanced over to his daughter who seemed… _excited, still._ But Eren knew, emotions could change in a blink of an eye.

Sachiko had worn this gleeful look since the moment they left the hospital. "Nervous?" Eren had asked her suddenly, although that question seemed rather redundant, considering that genuine elated look she wore had said it all.

"Not at all." Sachiko responded, smiling softly, "Are you nervous Papa?" She asked back, and just before Eren could've responded, Sachiko continued. "Your hands are shaking a little." It was only when she said it, did Eren realized his hands were trembling. "Ah- sorry…" He apologised, he had been holding Sachiko's hand for the whole journey—he wasn't sure if it was to reassure her or himself at this point, though at this moment, the answer seemed obvious enough. Just as he was about to pull his hand away, having assumed it annoyed her, Sachiko only gripped his hand tighter in comfort. It made Eren wonder who the adult was in this situation. "Don't worry, Papa. I think Mama will be happy since we're visiting her... right?"

"Of course." Eren responded in a heartbeat. "There's no doubt in that." He murmured quietly, and with his hand gripping Sachiko's a little tighter, he spoke, "Let's go then, it's not too far."

* * *

"Eren, do you think our child will ever stop loving us?" Mikasa had once asked the brunette out of the blue. Mikasa was a few weeks before her supposed due date.

Raising a brow at her sudden question, Eren only let out a sigh as he moved forward, sitting down next to his wife on the couch. "What kind of question is that? Of course she won't, Mikasa. If you say that I'll be an amazing father, I'm sure you'll be an amazing mother as well!" Eren exclaimed a little, in hopes of cheering Mikasa up, yet to no avail—she still had a sullen look.

Eren's eye softened slightly, his arm wrapped around Mikasa's shoulders in comfort. "Mikasa… you don't have to worry. I'm sure—"

"What if I won't be able to be there for the baby, do you think she or he will hate me?" Mikasa continued, as her head slowly rested onto Eren's shoulder. "Mikasa… what's with all these questions—"

"It's nothing… sorry, just worries that's all, probably a _'mother thing'_ " Mikasa laughed slightly as she cut him off, flashing a reassuring smile. But even Eren knew, for one reason or another, that there seemed to be so much sorrow in that smile. Letting out a small sigh, Eren spoke, "That won't happen. I'm sure of it. There's so much to love about you, Mikasa—our child will of course love you! And knowing you, you won't just suddenly leave without a valid reason, even so, I know that the moment when the baby is born, you probably won't ever leave his or her side." Eren spoke confidently, smiling slightly. "And whatever troubles you have, I'll always be here, Mikasa. For you and for the child."

Mikasa looked up towards the brunette slightly, the worries which had reflected in her obsidian orbs seem to slowly fade away. "You'll always be there for the child, you say…" She murmured quietly.

"Of course! I'll always be there for our child, so you don't have to worry if you make mistakes—"

" _Promise?_ " Mikasa spoke in a rather serious and solemn manner. The fierce and serious look she suddenly had on her expression seemed to have startled him a little, but nonetheless, with a reassuring smile, he nodded and spoke, " _I promise._ " Eren then shifted slightly, planting a small kiss on Mikasa's forehead. "So, don't worry so much, Mikasa. I love you two so much, of course I'll be there."

Mikasa's eyes softened at his words, tears were forming in her eyes by then. " _Thank you, Eren._ "

* * *

Back then, Eren wondered why she had teared up so suddenly over such a _'trivial' promise_ , to be frank, he had panicked slightly when he saw her tears back then. But now, he understood why she had said all those things, he understood why had the remaining few weeks, Mikasa had acted a little differently. It pained him so much to realize that the weight of those words had been heavier than he thought. But, that pain was only temporary. He didn't feel that pain now for whatever reason.

When they had reached Mikasa's grave, Sachiko had let go of Eren's hand as she took a few steps closer to Mikasa's grave. "So this is where Mama is?" Sachiko had asked softly. "Yeah." Eren responded quietly, wondering what expression his daughter wore now— was it still the same excited look, or was it something else?

There was silence for a while, until Sachiko broke it. "If… I say something to Mama now, will it reach her?" She asked quietly. Eren eyes widened at such a question, but he gave a nod at her question. "It will. Even if we can't see her, I'm sure she's watching over us." Eren responded firmly. _Ah, those words sounded so familiar, Sachiko had thought._

"Okay…" Sachiko uttered softly. Taking a deep breath, she began talking. "Hello, Mama! I really, _really_ wish you were here! I want to see you, I want to feel how your hugs are like… are they as warm as Papa's? Haha…" She started—and yet she was already tearing up.

" _But!_ You don't have to feel bad that you aren't here, it's okay! Uncle Levi and Armin said something about you living on in my heart… _that's enough for me…_ oh! And _I have Papa!_ He's taking really good care of me! So you don't have to worry… you don't have to…" Sachiko trailed off, her body started to tremble slightly. Eren had taken notice, and just before he could say anything, a cold gust of wind blew by—causing Sachiko to shiver and tremble more. "Sachiko…" Eren murmured out, about to scratch the back of his neck until he felt something soft—Mikasa's scarf. _Had he worn it subconsciously before heading out? He didn't know. But it wasn't time to be questioning that._

Walking towards Sachiko, he took off the red scarf, and wrapped it around Sachiko. Before she could ask or say anything, Eren spoke, "It was your mother's, It's yours now… is it warm?" He asked quietly. Sachiko only looked up at his father in tears, her hand now gripping onto the scarf that Eren had wrapped a little messily around her. Regardless of the way it was wrapped, she felt warmth. A different form of warmth that wasn't like her father's— _was it her mother's?_

"Yeah… it's warm and soft…" She spoke softly, Eren then proceeded to ruffle her hair slightly. "You have more to say don't you? Don't bottle it up anymore…"

With that, Sachiko gave a nod as she continued, "So… I went to the park many times with Papa, he makes so much time for me… we played and played… and I saw this... family. They had a… mother, someone to call _'Mama'_ … I was so sad and confused why I didn't have one—why I didn't have someone to call _'Mama'_ … but I'm here now! With you! Talking to you! Mama… Mama…" Before she knew it, her tears slowly became sobs— and it wasn't only her whose eyes leaked of tears.

"I'm sorry… I'm so sorry. Everyone says I don't have to be sorry, but Mama… _I'm sorry._ " Sachiko sobbed, continuing, "But also… Mama… _Thank you_. Thank you so much for this life you gave me… thank you… I… I..." Sachiko started to stutter, choking on her tears as she struggled to say her last remaining words. She wanted to continue so badly but it pained her so much— _that it had to be this way that she had to say it._

"You heard that, Mikasa? Sachiko's been a really good girl you know? She takes after you for that." Eren spoke out suddenly, chuckling a little, his hand then reaching out as he gripped Sachiko's hand in comfort. "You see, Mikasa, I told you… there was so many things to love about you, of course our child will love you. Isn't that right, Sachiko?" Eren spoke softly as tears flowed out from his emerald orbs which now glanced over to Sachiko. Sachiko gave a huge nod, her hand tightening around Eren's now. "On a count of three… and we'll say it together, okay?" Eren spoke softly, which Sachiko nodded as well, trying to control the tears that flowed.

 _"One… two… three!"_ Eren spoke, and then within a second, the two Jaegers cried out with love, _"We love you!"_

_"Mama, I love you so much!"_

_"Mikasa, I love you so much!"_

_Words of love—filled with love were what they had cried out, spoken in sync._

A sudden gust of wind blew by, but it wasn't cold like the previous one, odd enough. And the two could've sworn, they felt some sort of warm embrace from behind—however it only lasted for a few moments.

Another gust of wind blew by, it felt cooling, yet it somehow warmed their hearts— as if the _'wind'_ were trying to say, _'I love you too.'_

Whatever happened after was just nothing more than the two staying around longer, keeping Mikasa company as they continued talking about life, its events, and crying— _crying about so many things, for so many reasons other than sadness._

* * *

_** Epilogue ** _

It had been almost a year since _those_ events, since _that day_. _Now, it was Mikasa's birthday._

Sachiko had persisted Eren for them to pay Mikasa a visit— but even without persistence without being asked, Eren would've went anyway.

Once they had reached the entrance of the cemetery, Sachiko had spotted familiar faces. "Uncle Levi and Armin! Aunt Hanji and Annie too!" She exclaimed as she ran towards them, Eren following behind, holding a bouquet of flowers that he was going to give to Mikasa—flowers that the two had chosen, which were a mixture of white roses and white lilies.

"Sachiko? What are you doing here? Don't you have school?" Levi had asked with a raised brow, followed by a frown. Hanji had then picked her up, "Who cares Levi?! You got to loosen up grumps! And oh my, you seem to be heavier as compared to the last time I carried you!" Hanji laughed, as Annie continued, "Has the little beast grown?" She teased slightly, which Sachiko pouted at. Eren chuckled lightly, "She wanted to come as early as possible with all of us, so I called the school and manage to get her a day off." Eren explained as he walked over. "Well, the more the merrier, don't you think?" Armin laughed softly as they all nodded in agreement.

As they started to walk towards where Mikasa rested, Armin took notice of the scarf she was wearing. "Hey… isn't that Mikasa's?" He had asked, which Sachiko nodded at. "Papa gave it to me! It's so warm and soft!" She chuckled slightly, Armin smiled back, "Well you don't say… that scarf has a story you know? It's called ' _The beginning of Eren's and Mikasa's love life'_ " Armin joked, though Sachiko's eyes widened, "Really? Tell me mo—"

"Oh look, we're here." Eren had cut Sachiko off, shooting the blonde a short-lasting glare before letting out a sigh. He proceeded to pass Sachiko the bouquet of white lilies and roses. "Go give it to Mama and don't forget to wish her happy birthday…" Eren spoke softly, Sachiko giving a nod as she took them, walking forward and then placing them down as she started saying her wishes first.

"So the truth is out and accepted?" Levi had asked, Eren giving a nod as a response. "There will be a lot more obstacles along the way, you know?" Levi sighed.

"I know." Eren responded, his eyes softening as he glanced over at Sachiko. "And I won't give up." Eren spoke in a determined manner, causing Levi to scoff a little, "I thought so, _brat_."

Eren rolled his eyes a little as he glanced over to Levi, "It's been so many years, and you still call me—"

Before he could finish, a strong gust of wind blew by. And out of the blue, Sachiko spoke out, "Papa! The flowers!" She exclaimed. The ribbon that had kept the bouquet of flowers together had seemed to loosen up, causing the flowers to spiral up and away along with the wind, in a… _beautiful way._

 _'Mikasa…'_ Eren thought.

Sachiko had seemed disappointed and sad when that had happened, but Armin had reassured her, the wind would take the flowers to where Mikasa was—and that was all it took to get her spirits back up high. "Will they really go to Mama, Papa?" Sachiko had asked, only to be met with silence.

 _'Mikasa…'_ Eren thought.

 _"Papa?"_ Sachiko called out again, causing Eren to snap back into reality.

"Yeah… they will." He murmured out, smiling a little as he walked over to Sachiko, bending down onto his knees. "Papa…" Sachiko called out suddenly as she continued, "Is this what it feels like to be at home? We're not at home but I feel so…"

 _"I know."_ Eren responded, cutting her off as he continued, " _Home is where the heart_ _is_ after all…don't you think?"

"Yes!" Sachiko had agreed as she turned her focus back to her mother, "Did you hear that Mama? You'll _always_ have a home and place in Papa's and my heart!"

As Eren heard those words, his eyes softened a little before closing them, feeling the breeze blow by.

_"Mikasa… I'm home. We're home."_

**Author's Note:**

> Please leave a review! I hope this was okay.


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